Yearly Archive: 2012


Dec 18

Guest Post: The Five Languages of Apology

5 Languages of Apology

Recently a good friend shared an excellent book with me.  I asked her to write a brief summary of what she had learned.  So here is our Guest Post:


Ever had someone say “I’m sorry” but their words don’t really hit the hurt spot that needed to hear an apology?  Sometimes these are just words; there is still a hole in the relationship.  “I’m sorry” becomes too easy, too general for the hurt caused.

Dr Gary Chapman has written a book that addresses this very issue and offers a solution to help restore communication in relationships.


Dec 15

4/15 Understanding your Fight Style for Conflict Solutions

So far we have been looking at the Communication Skills needed for good relationships.  We’ve talked about the common Roadblocks to communication and how learning to Reflective Listen to others helps get our messages across. Then we present a model for Conflict Solutions in Collaborative Problem Solving.

As we now begin to look at another very important area of Conflict Solutions – ‘Fight Styles’ and how to have better communication skills.  If we can understand where our style has come from and then, we can learn how to improve.

1.   We learn our fight styles from our family of origin

Dec 15

4/14 YouTube vidoes – How to Be More Assertive in Conflict Solutions

We turn now to the topic of ‘Assertive’.

To give you a different view of the topic, join me to ‘Learn how to be more assertive so that you can take control of situations more effectively and assert more authority over your life. Here are some tips on how to be more assertive.’  Uploaded by About on December 13, 2011.

Here is another You Tube Video on the same topic ‘Assertveness’: ‘The Benefits of Assertiveness’, uploaded by About on December 13, 2011

Dec 09

4/13 Rules to Fight Fair in Conflict Solutions

So far in our Conflict Solutions blog, we have seen that conflict is unavoidable.  It’s how we handle it that is the question.  We have presented suggestions on learning to listen to the other person.  Another helpful guideline was the 20 Suggestions to face the Storm

Now we gather a list of helpful hints when conflict erupts into something that seems overwhelming.  I suggest you print out this page and put it on your frig or somewhere you can see it often!


Dec 04

4/12 Life Changing Principles and Conflict Solutions

We continue with our theme of Healthy Conflict Solutions by looking at some general principles we have learned as Counsellors for over 25 years.  Let us share some of these valuable lessons.

A.  Most people avoid fights

Very, very few people really enjoy a fight or look for conflict.  Most often, the fight happens with the ‘straw that breaks the camel’s back’.  It might even be such a trivial thing that both people can’t remember the exact thing that started the fight.  Here are some thoughts on handling conflict better so that you can learn from the mistakes and grow in more truth and understanding.

Nov 27

4/11 Prepare for the Storm for Conflict Solutions

Relationship Rescue book

We continue to provide answers in our blog on Conflict Solutions for better relationships.  We have talked about problem solving from a joint viewpoint.  We looked at Road Blocks and even ventured into thinking about learning how to listen to others.

Recently I found a very interesting book on facing Conflicts.  I have adapted part of this book into a list of 17 Suggestions to help face the inevitable conflicts you will find in your journey through life.

1.  Own your relationship with your partner.

Understand how powerfully you can influence your relationship by the attitudes you develop.  This means accepting responsibility for creating your own experience.


Nov 21

4/10 Collaborative Problem Solving for Conflict Solutions

So far in our Conflict Solutions blog, we have been looking at the importance of learning how to listen and not use Road blocks to stop good communication from happening.  We have been using our example couple, Jacko and Chelsea.   They are meant to be a practical way of showing the good and not so good ways to share relationship together.

 We continue now with another practical way toward good communication.

The following suggestions have been learned by trial and error, through 30 some years of marriage and as a Counsellor.  We present this post in hopes you can avoid similar mistakes in your own relationships.


Nov 14

YouTube Video – Fighting Fair in Conflict Solutions

How can we fight fair?

John McMullin shares that fighting unfair is a process of reacting; fighting fair is a process of responding. John provides examples of fighting unfair and fair, how we learned to fight, why fighting is the greatest source of intimacy. In this practical, educational video, learn to fight fair with better skills.

Join us as we look at ‘Fighting Fair’, Uploaded by journeywithjohn on April 27, 2010.

May this YouTube video add to your skills in learning to fight in Love and Marriage,

Susanne Fengler. Blog Author


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