Monthly Archive: April 2013

Apr 25

5/10 Guest post – Relationship Problems? Try Dwelling on the Positive

We have added a Guest post in our blog on the early years of a relationship.  This article was posted by Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT• August 11th, 2011


couple5Do you and your partner ever dwell on the positive in your relationship? Maybe you should.

It’s really easy to dwell on the negative in our personal lives and relationships. The brain is wired to have a negativity bias. In other words, it is more reactive to negative stimuli. This being the case, it’s clear how this is one reason couples can get stuck in a negative loop together, quick to call out all the hurts, wrongs, imperfections and failures of each other in a very reactionary way.


Apr 30

5/6 Your Basic Needs for Conflict Solutions?

In order to sort out what areas need to be addressed for the re-construction of our relationship with our partner, we must first find out which of our basic needs are not being met in the relationship.  Remember this is another FOR YOUR EYES ONLY SHEET.

Statement of need:

1 – 10

1. The need to feel, and be told, that you are loved, valued and a vital part of your partner’s life.
2. The need to feel a sense of belonging to and with your partner, that you are a priority in your partner’s life.

Apr 25

5/5 General Marriage Survey on Conflict Solutions

male female tug of warTo help you evaluate the current state of your marriage, we have prepared the following survey form. There are 12 major areas that are showed to be of concern when couples are prepared to examine their relationship.

We have listed these 12 areas. Rate your satisfaction with each of these 10 areas for your own information first. Then on the second line, add a score for what you think your partner would feel about the area.

Use the 1 = needs a lot of work to 10 = doing very well in this area.


Apr 18

5/4 12 Ways to Keep your Relationships Fresh and Alive!

Daniel 2  The following is our first Guest post in the category.  I have asked my husband Daniel to share some of his wisdom from his mentoring and coaching with couples.  Some of what he has shared can be applied to friends in general.  Here’s what he wanted to share about Marriage.


  Everyone is looking for a quick way to get things done and onto other events in our busy world. Yet, often we need to stop and think, reflect and give ourselves time to change our habits. This is especially true in the early years of marriage. If we can get it ‘right’ during this time, the next years will flow more smoothly.


Apr 12

5/3 Unreal Expectations in Relationships need Conflict Solutions

male female questionsWhether we realize it or not, we all have expectations about a great many things – from our everyday life to our future. Nowhere are these expectations more serious and complex than in the relationships, whether in friendships or marriage.

Expectations can be a major source of stress in any relationship. Emotional distress, conflicts, communication breakdowns, misunderstandings, distrust all develop from faulty expectations.

Many times, these expectations can be untrue or even unrealistic.


Apr 08

5/2 Intro to Conflict solutions for the Early Years


couple6There are many unique issues when two people begin a relationship, such as moving in together or starting their marriage.  If you’re facing the decision of a life time, wouldn’t you want to have all the info you needed to survive?  What if you knew that one in every five people who entered this decision would fail, wouldn’t you want as much help to succeed as possible?

Apr 01

4/28 Summary of Communication Skills with Conflict Solutions

suicide 2c

communication skillsIn the first part of our Summary of this Category on Conflict Solutions, we covered the first 14 posts.  Join us now as we finish the summary of the remaining posts and present the next Category in our discussion.

We briefly looked at the importance of knowing your own ‘Fight Style’.  How do you resolve – or avoid – conflicts with others.  Remember, conflict will happens; it’s how we handle the conflict when it comes that helps us grow toward better communication.