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Yearly Archive: 2015

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Dec 22

1/4 “Do I have to give up ME to be one with YOU?”

rejection_1So what are most Fights about?

The first major reason for conflict is about INTIMACY: “How close I let you or how far away from each other we feel comfortable”.

1. The Boundaries of personal space. These boundary issues may include:

* Requests to respect the personal rights of your partner. Where is the line beyond which our identity is being ‘stepped on’?
* How much trust is being respected or abused in the relationship,
* A request for distance and space for one or both partners,
* A request for more ‘inclusion’ in the life of the other. How interconnected one is to the other,
* Finding the boundaries of independence, interdependence or co-dependence.

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Dec 14

1/3 Let me set the scene for you in Conflict Solutions

fidelity couple2Priscilla reluctantly agreed to join a few friends as they troop off to a ‘Girls Night Out’ at a local hotspot. She suspects it may be noisy, hot and crowded but she’ll be with friends so she’ll be safe. All all dressed up and someplace to go, they arrive at the selected hotspot.

Priscilla has been volunteered to be the Designated Driver, choosing not to drink and loose herself in the whirling scene. Little did she know how her life was to change that night.

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Dec 13

1/2 Our typical Conflict Solution Couple: “Mickey” and “Priscilla”

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cars4Any relationship is like trying to combine two separate individuals. For the example of this series, we are focusing on Mickey, the Mac truck with Priscilla, the Porsche. In any lasting relationship, there will be design changes: welding, sheet metal adaptations, some bits cut off and bits added on. Some things will have to be adapted to make this a functioning, flexible and useful vehicle (not like this one!!).

So let me tell you about Mickey and Priscilla since you will run into them many times in this series.

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Dec 08

Welcome to our new series: “Fighting Fair in Love & Marriage!”

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couple6This series is based on principles that arise in Counselling and Mentoring couples, learning and practising how to resolve conflicts. We use Biblical and Secular principles to help maintain healthy marriages.

… but how do we even get to this stage in a relationship?  It’s so easy to want to look and be the best for someone we want to attract.  The trouble happens when we step into someone we are NOT and put on a mask for the other person. How do we stay authentic and true to our self when we so want to make a good impression? … because someday, the mask will have to come off and then what do we find?

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Nov 10

10 Things I learned from this series

What your Dad didn’t tell you about the Opposite sex

rejection_1When we began this series on ‘What your Dad didn’t tell you about the opposite sex’. I wonder what can of worms we would open. Some of the insights we would discover together would not be ‘political correct’ in today’s gender equality but …. we began the series.

In even trying to get some framework around this issue, we knew we would run into the deeper issue of the “Battle of the Sexes“. That battle isn’t new to our generation. In fact, it started some 7000 years ago in a place called the Garden of Eden. Yes I am talking about the facts behind the Garden of Eden as that’s where the conflict began.

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Oct 28

Book: Why Women Can’t Read Maps & Men Don’t Listen

Barbara and Allan Pease travelled the world for 3 years collecting and collating the dramatic findings of new Conflict listen 9780767907637research on the brain, investigating evolutionary biology, analysing psychologists, studying social changes, and annoying the locals.  Their aim is to investigate the differences between the way men and women think and communicate.

Here is one of the many great comments about their book:

“The result is their controversial new book: Why Men Don’t Listen and Why Women can’t Read Maps.  The book is sometimes shocking, always illuminating, frequently hilarious look at where the battle line is drawn between the sexes, why it was drawn and how to cross it.

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Oct 21

6/45 So we finish the series “What your Dad didn’t Tell you”!

We have been discussing the essential differences between males and females in the ‘War of the Sexes’. Wemale female questions began the series with the title ‘What your Dad didn’t tell you about the Opposite sex’.  We’ve spent 44 posts, quite a few book reviews and YouTube videos to make the point that males and females need to understand each other better.

We discussed the 7 main areas of misunderstanding that seem to cause the battle of the sexes between males and females. Here are the following topics we covered in this series:

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Oct 01

Phillip Zimbardo discusses the Demise of Guys, www.ted.com

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ted1I found an interest website to continued our discussion about the war of the sexes: The Demise of Guys? Psychologist Philip Zimbardo asks, “Why are boys struggling?”

He shares some stats (lower graduation rates, greater worries about intimacy and relationships) and suggests a few reasons — and challenges the TED community to think about solutions.

Some very interesting comments, everything from porn and video games are to blame. Other point to ;arge section of the education system being taught be females, some with militant views about males. Others comment on the vast sexual revolution that has left males uncertain as to the new ‘rules’ and relationships with females. One comment was “The problem is narcissistic women who do not care about men” – slightly one sided though.

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