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Mar 27

4/25 Catching the Conflict before it Happens for good conflict solutions

family or originAs we continuing to look at how we all handle conflicts, we find there are three main

A.  Most of us handle conflict using the following conflict styles:

1.  Avoidance, Withdrawal or Denial

Ignoring or pretending conflict didn’t happen.  Such repression will only allow conflict to surface somewhere else at another time.  People in denial usually just give in to conflict, become a doormat.

2.  Defusion, Smoothers

This includes delaying tactics, resolving minor points without dealing with root issues.  This produces frustration and a build up of problems.

3.  Confrontation or Domination

This usually produces power struggles, physical or physiological force, bribery, retaliation, hostility, or anxiety.  It also grows into a “winner” and “loser” mentality.  Another symptom of this style is it develops alliances in groups.

4.  The best way – Negotiation

This takes into account the needs and fears of both sides.  Strategies are developed so both sides win, compromises develop.

Although different situations call for different conflict styles, most of us need to change our attitudes and learn good conflict resolution skills.  Often conflict is an opportunity to see another’s point of view.  It can be a chance to clear the air about misunderstandings.

B.  Following are some suggestions when working through conflicts:

1.  Know your own ‘fight’ style.

How do you react when faced with conflict?  What does a conflict bring out in you?  Often, through conflict, the Lord provides a mirror for us to see our reactions.  This helps us see and deal with what is in our own hearts.  Learn to cooperate with this process rather than fight the Lord.

2.  Know your own role in the situation you are in. 

Are you there to be housemaid, gardener or helper?  Watch out for ‘rescuing’, taking responsibility for what is not your problem.

3.  Model for others the openness and honesty you expect from those you live and work with.

4.  Learn to handle your own emotions and your logic Biblically.

When is anger wrong?  Annoyances can build to resentments, which in turn can build to anger.  Deal with the roots of annoyance rather than just tackle the fruit of anger.

5.  Look for any verbal and nonverbal clues before conflict erupts.

6.  Develop strategies to handle small gripes before they reach crisis proportions. 

Have “gripe and groan sessions”, that allow ventilation of emotions.  Keep the lists of annoyances short.  Explain any rules on handling conflict, before conflict comes.

Try to catch conflict before it becomes crisis.  Learn to spot verbal and nonverbal clues early on.  Set up healthy ways to handle conflict with those you work with.  Use good listening skills to help you see things from the other’s perspective.

Susanne Fengler. Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com/blog

    

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