Mar 21

4/27 Summary for Conflict Solutions – Communication

couple - communication skillsWelcome back to our concluding post on Conflict Solutions!  In this category, we have been presenting how much communication styles influence conflict. 

This huge topic started with your ‘Family or Origin’ as the first and greatest imprint for handling conflict.  The first five years of your life are the most important when looking at your ‘Conflict Style’. 

As you watched how your parents and siblings handled conflict – or often avoided facing conflict – remains ingrained in your thinking and actions.  However, as an adult, this ‘conflict style’ need not be set in concrete.  We can learn new patterns and new ways of relating with others.  This has been the reoccurring theme of our blog.

Next, we saw how ‘Real Communication’ involved learning these new skills.  The importance of really listening to what the other person has said is the foundation of your clear expressions.  Getting your message across to the other person is as important as hearing their message; this involves listening to what is really being said.

We all have ingrained barriers to learning to listen.  Trying to ‘mind read’, being tired, distracted, interruptions, our own judgements about the others will influence how much we want to hear the other person’s message.  We all carry our own ‘Sunglasses’ that filter what we hear.  Part of the skill in learning to communicate clearly is to be aware of and – when we can – eliminate these filters.

male female questionsAlong with the filters, we presented a list of twelve common responses that blocks good communication.  Remember some of them?  These included threatening, moralizing, diagnosing, sarcasm, questions motives, blaming and so on.  Learning to draw the other person’s real message into the open is at the heart of good communication – especially when working with teens and children, quarrelsome adults, disruptive co-workers and difficult people.  That’s about everyone at some time in your life.

How did you do with the Personal Worksheet?  Have you been more aware of your own ‘Blocks’?  Continue to practice this essential skill!

From there, we jumped into ‘Reflective Listening’ and what that skill can impart for good relationships.  Hidden agendas, contaminated messages and emotional sabotage were blocks to the skill of reflecting back to the other person what you think they were trying to say.

In any conflict situation, it is important to learn Collaborative problems solving skills.   The first step is always ADDRESSING THE EMOTIONAL reactions: “I can see you are feeling….”, steps can be set in place to resolve the conflict.  It’s only after the ’emotional air’ has been faced that logic can be settled.  Here we presented a six step in facing and resolving issues in a problem sharing atmosphere.

Knowing we all will face conflicts sometimes isn’t enough to carry us through themale female tug of war Storm.  There are ways to be prepared for conflicts.  We included 17 ways to learn how the live through the turmoil and even learn from each experience.

Sure areas as ‘Paybacks’, knowing your own fight style, being willing to change and learning to accept others without judgements were included in these essential skills.

Of course, not everyone will step into conflicts and try and resolve them in healthy ways.  Most people avoid conflict, some to the total determent of their own emotional and physical well being.  We discussed the usual methods of withdrawal, dominate, give in or to go on the attack as ways people avoid conflict.  Learning and practicing the Rules to Fighting Fair is a valuable tool.

However, this takes a skill called ‘Assertiveness’.  What does this word mean?  It is different than being ‘Aggressive’ or even being ‘Passive Aggressive’ as we discussed in this part of our posts on Conflict Solutions.

Along the way, we have presented several YouTube video to add to your 3 girls family conflictsunderstanding as well as a using a Case Study about Jack and Chelsea.   I wonder how they are doing when we start the next category in our Blog on ‘Conflicts during the early years of a Intimate Relationship’?

This part of our review has covered the first 14 posts on our Conflict Solutions blog.  Join us again as we summarise the remaining posts,

Susanne Fengler. Blog Author


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