Dec 18

Guest Post: The Five Languages of Apology

Recently a good friend shared an excellent book with me.  I asked her to write a brief summary of what she had learned.  So here is our Guest Post:


Ever had someone say “I’m sorry” but their words don’t really hit the hurt spot that needed to hear an apology?  Sometimes these are just words; there is still a hole in the relationship.  “I’m sorry” becomes too easy, too general for the hurt caused.

Dr Gary Chapman has written a book that addresses this very issue and offers a solution to help restore communication in relationships.

According to his own personal story, there are actually 5 different ways to say ‘Sorry’ so that the person really hears the message.  After a disagreement with her husband, his (her?) apology didn’t seem to convey the depth needed to restore the relationship.

Sometimes, “I’m sorry” means other things.  “I’m sorry I got caught.”  Or “I’m sorry, now I’ll have to pay the fine.”  “I’m sorry you don’t see this my way because you are so wrong and I’m right.”  Parents and teachers, and many others of course, hit this wall.  “I’m sorry” but without the added “I’ll learn from this mistake and not do it again.”

Just as you have a different love language, you also hear and express the words and gestures of apology in a different language. New York Times best-selling author Gary Chapman has teamed with counselor Jennnifer Thomas on this groundbreaking study.  They examined the way we apologize.  They discovering that it’s not just a matter of being willing to apologise – it’s also a matter of how.

By helping people identify the languages of apology, this book clears the way toward healing and sustaining vital relationships. The authors detail proven techniques for giving and receiving effective apologies.

This caused him to start thinking that maybe there were other things people needed to release an offense and accept the words spoken.  From his resulting survey, he found there are actually five different ways for the apology to be delivered for a sense of completeness or release to happen.

1.  To express regret that the incident happened: “I’m sorry it happened.”

2.  To take the responsibility for what went wrong: “I was wrong.”

3.  To make restitution for the incident: “What can I do to make it right?”

4.  Sincere, genuine repenting: “I’ll try not to do it again.

     I’ll aim to turn away from such behaviour and do different from now on.”

5.  Request forgiveness and hearing the words: “I know I hurt you and will you forgive me?”

We all have different ‘Love Languages’ and now you can learn what your ‘Apology Language’ contains to help restore the connection in relationships.


 Thanks to Sharon White for sharing her latest Life Changing Christian Book!

I trust you enjoyed her comments and will have a look for this book.   We guarantee it will help your Conflict Solutions! 

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author



PS.  Another comment:  http://hubpages.com/hub/Ways-To-Apologize

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