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Jul 02

5/17 Life Law #3: “You create your own experience”

Life Stratagies - McGrawHere is another adaptation of Dr. Phil McGraw’s book called ‘Life Strategies’.  This is his Third law in the Principles of learning to live the kind of life your Creator meant for you to have.

When you begin to acknowledge and accept the accountability for your own life, you will begin to understand that your role in creating the results you want in yours and God’s hands.

As an adult, you have the responsibility in your hands.  No matter what your life’s circumstances, you can no longer dodge the fact of your own input into where you are today.

If we haven’t learned to take responsibility, we will misdiagnose every problem.  If we get the diagnose wrong, we will get the treatment wrong and end up with another broken expectation.  Resisting or denying this basic principle keeps us in the realm of fantasy as the victim of life.

There is more than one way to be a victim:

a. You can assist someone in being mean or unfair to you by being passive and accepting his or her abuse,

b. Or if you can believe that you are right and those who disagree with you are wrong, therefore the fault is not yours when conflict continues.

Either way, the fact is that you have control over situations that are happening and the emotions that are being generated.  You must be willing to ‘own the problem’ and actively work toward a solution.  Quit looking for the answers in the wrong place.

However, just determining that you want to change from now on is only part of male female questionsthe solution.  Realize that as an adult, you have already and always have been creating your own experience in your life.

Realize that how you did behave and the choices you made in the past influence where you are today.  Spend time ‘reframing reality’ to make it accurate by reassigning responsibility for your past – to you.

Assignment;  Write out the details of 5 times in your life where yourself victimized, mistreated or in some way, unfairly dealt with.  Leave space under each event so you can record other information.

Invite the Lord’s help and think through the events again and sort out your responsibly for the events.  It may be found in something you did or did not do, the way you set yourself up for the results or failed to recognize certain warning signs.  It may have been having faulty expectations or faulty goals in the events.  Beginning to live as an accountable person means that you’re are beginning to think as an accountable person.

At the heart of human nature is the tendency to blame others.  If we set out to find what causes our problems by looking at other people, we’ll never find the answers – because they aren’t there.  They’re in you.

No, you may not always be to blame for these ‘problems’ but you are now ‘responsible’.  As one person has pointed out, “You did what you knew how to do and, when you knew better, you did better.” 

True, events that happened to you as a child were not your choosing.  Nor are we ‘responsible’ for the traumatic events there were done ‘to us’ as adults.  However, as an adult now, you do have the ability and the responsible for your choices about these events.

Your thoughts greatly influence your behavior too. 

a. Choosing thoughts and their consequences connect with your physical body.  Abstract thoughts have the power to produce tangible and dramatic physiological reactions for your whole body.

b. Choosing thoughts that demean and de-appreciate yourself has consequences.  If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, you will create an experience of alienation, isolation and hostility.

c. The self-talk we continue in our mind about ourselves also causes consequences.  Such typical negative statements might include:

“I’m not good enough.  I’m not smart enough.  I might as well give up now.  They’ll soon figure how what a failure I am and reject me.  I’m too young/too old to do this.”

When you chose the thinking, you choose the behavior.   The ‘Law of Reciprocity’ simply put means that ‘you get what you give’.  This helps explain why others and the world respond to you the way that it does.

As you think through the process of change in your own life, consciously, purposefully and actively create the experiences that you do want, instead of suffering through experiences that you don’t want.  Even not choosing to respond means you have chosen.  Overcome the inertia and see how you do make choices.

The law of sowing and reaping is part of that accountability too.  It means that as you choose, as you plant new behaviors, you will find a different result in your own life.

Because you are accountable for your actions, you also have the choice to do something about such events; that is the good news.  For every choice you make, there are consequences.  If you choose destructive behaviors, you reap pain and dysfunction.  Choosing well means a better life now and in the future.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com

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thumbtackPS.   From this point on, we will be changing to an Affiliate with The Book Depository!  You can get your books faster and cheaper with us!

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