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Jul 09

5/18 Conflict Solutions looks at ‘What do you to Want to Change?’

women with glassesAs we continue to look at relationships, especially those between spouses, we can ask the Question: “What do you want to change in your relationship?

Life is all about change! 

Have you noticed that?  Some changes are exactly what you want because you started and finished the process.  Other changes just have to do with life; some change we have an input and other changes we don’t.  Have you thought about change as a positive event?  Or that change can be the springboard t a better life?

1.  What would you like to change?  Begin to let your mind and heart think and start to brainstorm on what that would feel like…. to change…. something for your life or the better.  If you woke up tomorrow morning and life was like you wanted it, what would that be?

Is there something you would like to do? …something you would like to learn – new skills?  Would change for you have to do with new friends, what you eat, what you ware or learning how not to be a perfectionist?  Would you like to make room in your life for … or eliminate out of your life?  Maybe there is some habit you would like to break…..or some deep inner need not fulfilled in your life that twists your heart with intense longing?

2.  Obviously we need to be self-aware to know and keep the main thing the main thing.  How many diets have you been on that were finally given up because somewhere inside ….. that desire for the last piece of cake ….. or that cigarette just couldn’t stand against the barrage of self-will, inner core “I want what I want!” drive.

3.  Motivation is a big key but what motivates you and what doesn’t?  If you would get past the inertia, the drifting the self-sabotage, what would that feel like?  Do you know what blocks your actions, what stops your growth?

….time?  ….money  ….not know how?

inner cover (2)4.  We need to cooperation of that hidden inner core of your own personal world.  This is why being self-aware is such an important piece of the puzzle for change.  Maybe this eBook will help you on your journey.  You will find it on called ‘Learn to Nurture Your Inner Health’.

“If you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there.”  Lewis Carroll

Is it something you really want or that others think you need?  Does it feel comfortable or foreign like it’s not really the real you.  Could you do this goal and feel like it was an accomplishment, a milestone in your own growth?

Life is too short to try and reach other people’s expectations or goals for you that are not what is really in your heart, or that don’t fit your unique shape. Meeting other people expectations won’t make you – or them – happy if the goals are not your goals.

Create Positive Change in your Life

Think through one area you would like to change in your own life.  Involve the Lord in this process right from the start.  In what area you would like to be healthier or to have more freedom?  Explain the change you would like to make.  What goals do you need in order for this change to happen?

Follow each of the steps in the CHANGE model as listed:

Commit yourself to a specific goal

Change is like crossing a river.  You know where you want to be….but there is a big difference between where you are and where you want to go.

a. What is the goal you wish to achieve?

b. When you have achieved your goal, how will this change your behaviour, thinking patterns?

c. What might stop you from achieving your goal?

Habits …. Break the old and start the new

Arby muddy water small BlogSometimes getting across that river of change means some hard work.  It might get messy but keep your eyes on the goal!

a. Pray about the goal and ask the Lord for help.

b. Set up a new routine to achieve the goal.

c. Realistically evaluate your resources to accomplish the goal.

d. List the steps you need to take to break old habits.

e. What are the new habits you wish to put in their place?

Action …take one step at a time

Implement the new plan of action for one month and observe the results.  Remember to take small steps rather than a giant, unreachable one.

Never give up ….lapses might occur but …

There may be days when you have trouble staying with the new habit, but do not, do not give up.  Ask the Lord to help, and try again the next day.

Goal oriented ….stay focused on the positive

Remember your goal/s.  Keep your focus on the progress you have made rather than the whole ‘mountain’ you haven’t accomplished – yet.

Evaluate and reward yourself for progress

(Adapted from Prepare/Enrich, Life Innovations, Inc, “Building a Strong Marriage”, pg. 23.)

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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