Jul 18

5/20 Conflict Solutions and the Household Duties

couple6The issues in who does what around the home is one of the crisis points for many relationships.  ‘You never clean the toilet!’ …or    ‘You never clean the car!’ can be heard in many houses.  So what are the roles in running a house and who does what in your home?

Who takes the responsibility for the household and outside duties, for discipline and raising the children, for finances, communication and planning style, for initiating sex and personal pleasure or for long range planning?

Print off this post if it helps you sort through the issues of conflict over duties.

1 = Wife only, 2 = Husband only, 3 = Usually wife,

4 = Usually husband, 5 = Shared equally,

6 = Duty done by other, 7 = Done by no one.


House Duties: who # House Duties:


  1.   Grocery Shopping.   1.   Clean refrigerator.
  2.   Washing dishes – or doing dishwasher.   2.   Planning/redecorating when needed.
  3.   Cleaning/organizing bedroom/s.   3.   Repairs outside the house.
  4.   Vacuum & dusting house.   4.   Repairs inside the house.
  5.   Cleaning Bathroom, toilet.   5.   Mowing lawns.
  6.   Setting/clearing tables.   6.   Garden maintenance.
  7.   Preparing meals.   7.   Care of Garbage.
  8.   Entertaining – planning.   8.   Cleaning the car.
  9.   Entertaining – talking & looking   after the guests.   9.   Checking and filling oil, tyres, water for car.
  10.   Entertaining – cooking.   10.   Maintenance of tools.
  11.   Entertaining – clean up, dishes.   11.   Car repairs.
  12.   Cleaning the Kitchen.   12.   Repair appliances/ TV.
  13.   Clean children/s rooms.   13.   Cleaning/sweeping paths.
  14.   Washing windows.   14.   Other?
  15.   Taking out the garbage.   15.   Other?
  16.   Other?   16.   Other?
  17.   Other?   17   Other?


  1.   Sets bedtime.   1.   Earns o/s money.
  2.   Sets limits for TV time.   2.   Pays the bills.
  3.   Baths, cleans child/ren   3.   Uses the Bankcard.
  4.   Prepare meals for child/ren.   4.   Pays the Bankcard bills.
  5.   Entertains outside home.   5.   Sets the budget.
  6.   Enforces set rules   6.   Puts Savings in bank.
  7.   Reads stories to child/ren.   7.   Does the taxes.
  8.   Prays with children.   8.   Buys his clothes.
  9.   Buys clothes/uniforms.   9.   Buys her clothes.
  10.   Taxi service for child/ren.   10.   Handles investments.
  11.   Cooks breakfast for child/ren.   11   Organizes Retirement fund.
  12.   Washes child/ren’s clothes.   12.   Buys major purchases.
  13.   Organizes birthday parties.   13.   Pays for meals out.
  14.   Talks with teachers   14.   Pays for holiday.
  15.   Other?   15.   Gives allowances to children.
  16.   Other?   16.   Other?
  17.   Other?   17.   Other?

COMMUNICATION with others:                     OUR SEX LIFE:

  1.   Writes letters.   1.   Sets the time for sex.
  2.   Sends cards, ie B’day.   2.   Sets the place for event/s.
  3.   Answers the phone.   3.   Initiates sex.
  4. Begins discussion to resolve conflicts.   4.   Discusses issues related to sex life.
  5.   Ends discussions.   5.   Sets limits on sex.
  6.   Calls for truce in conflict.   6.   Determines the amount.
  7.   Says sorry most often.   7.   Seems most satisfied with sex.
  8.   Asks for forgiveness.   8.   Shares feelings on sex.
  9.   Tries to resolves hurts.   9.   Is open to new ideas.
  10.   Talks with neighbors.   10.   Skills related to sex.
  11.   Discuss/plans holidays.   11.   Amount of playfulness.
  12.   Asks for ‘time out’.   12.   Dresses to encourage partner.
  13.   Answering/sending Email.   13.   Other?
  14.   Other?   14.   Other?
  15.   Other?   15.   Other?

If you find the balance of duties is unfair or that one person resents the duties they perform, remember to resolve the conflict in healthy ways.

Try exchanging duties or finding out why you are doing the duties as you do.  Tradition, family or origin did it this way?……..or course of least resistance because “…….if you don’t do it, it won’t get done’?

Do you want to change this?  See the post on asking for change or Payoffs. 

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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