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Aug 11

5/24 A Relationship Profile on Conflict Solutions

ResourcesConsider the following statements about your relationship with your partner.  This is a profile FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.  You will not be asked to share it with anyone.  It is only for your own private consideration.  Be honest and go with your first reactions.  You do not need to spend an excessive amount of time on each item. 

Rate yourself in Column A.  Then rate what you think that your partner thinks about you in column B, using a 0 to 5 scale:

Rate the statement on a 0 = “This is not true for us.” to 5 = “This is very true for us.”


Statement   to be considered



  1.   My partner doesn’t really listen to me.
  2.   I am not really satisfied with my sex life.
  3.   I have trouble trusting my partner.
  4.   I feel picked on and put down.
  5.   I am not very hopeful about our future.
  6.   It is not easy to share my feelings with my partner.
  7.   My partner seldom says “I love you!”
  8.   Sometimes I feel real anger and even rage with him/her.
  9.   I seldom feel appreciated in anything I do for him/her.
  10.   My partner is seldom there for me in my hard times.
  11.   My partner is often harsh with me in his/her criticism.
  12.   My partner doesn’t even begin to understand me.
  13.   I sometimes wonder if my partner is bored with me.
  14.   I can easily imagine myself left and being divorced.
  15.   My relationship is far from what I dreamed it would be.
  16.   My partner seldom treats me with dignity and respect.
  17.   We seldom do fun things together any more.
  18.   Sometimes I just want to hurt my partner for the hurt he/she has caused me.
  19.   I would rather lie to my partner than deal with an issue.
  20.   I feel trapped and without escape in this relationship.
  21.   We have little or not passion in our relationship.
  22.   We enjoy going out separate and alone, rather than fo together.
  23.   I sometime wonder if my partner feels ashamed of me.
  24.   I don’t think my partner is still fun to be with.
  25.   We have become nothing more than roommates.
  26.   I am no longer think good thoughts about my body.
  27.   My partner compares me to others in a negative way.
  28.   I something wonder if my Partner will leave me.
  29.   We just seem to want different things.
  30.   I am seldom allowed to think for myself.
  31.   I feel crowded or smothered by my partner.
  32.   People have a negative idea of what our relationship is like, or they have no ideas what goes on between us.
  33.   My partner has really shut me out.
  34.   My partner and I have very different ideas on spending  money.
  35.   My partner is not my primary source of my emotional support. My friends or family fill that place.
  36.   My partner doesn’t seem to care if I am upset or sad.
  37. My partner treats my like a child.
  38.   My partner seldom puts our relationship ahead of others.
  39.   It seems like I can never please my partner.
  40.   I often feel judged and sense rejection by my partner.
  41.   It seems my partner never wants to hear my stories.
  42.   My partner makes negative comments about my family.
  43.   I think I chose my partner for the wrong reasons.
  44.   My partner thinks I am boring in bed.
  45.   I don’t think my partner is very blessed in having me.
  46.   I win my share of conflicts.
  47.   I don’t think my partner would protect me if necessary.
  48.   Sometimes my partner is suspicious or jealous of me.
  49.   I doubt if my partner is as close to the Lord as he/she says.
  50.   I can’t see myself living with this person for the rest of my life and enjoying it.

This test is designed to give you a quick snapshot of the health of your relationship.  Every relationship will have strengths and weaknesses.   The higher the score = the more complex and unhealthy the relationship will be.  

If your score is:

a)  Higher than 125 = you are probably living in ‘emotional divorce’, probably in danger of terminal marriage failure.

b) Between 50 and 80 = your relationship is probably about average, which needs more work and certainly is not defined as ‘a great relationship’.

c)  Around 30 = your relationship is well above the norm but some issues could be improved.

d)  Around 10 = You’ve allowed God to do some very good work.  Congratulations. 

Circle the statements with 4 or 5 as areas to work on.  Also circle any statements of 0 to ½ as strong points to hang onto.

(Adapted from Relationship Rescue, pages 24-27.)

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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