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May 13

5/11 The Right Mental Attitude for Conflict Solutions

fidelity couple2The person you most need to stand up to in this world is you.  In the war called ‘life’, most of the decisive battles are fought within you.   Once you learn ‘the rules of the game’, we can learn to get what we need and want.  Learn how to plan the game and you will be amazed at the difference in your own life.

 Life Law #1 – “You must get real with yourself!”

Ask the hard questions:  “Am I really headed where I want to go?”  “Is what I have settled for out of being safe, easy or not as scary to get what I really want?”  “Am I taking life as it is – just because it has always been that way?”  “What would I like to see changed?”

If nothing else remember, you are accountable for your own life.

Most people have cheated themselves out of the life that God wanted to given them – by settling for less than they are worth.  We also cheat ourselves by not looking at the real issues and asking the hard questions.  Determine right now to let the rest of humanity live in the fog of self-deception and you (and God) will change your life.

The first common tendency for all of us is denial We can fixate on what should be, what ought to be or who to blame without dealing with the facts as they really are.  Yes, you do not always have a choice in life but how your handle your own reactions and see your choices is up to you.

The next most common behavior pattern is to make faulty assumptions about others or the situation.  Such assumptions cannot stand the test of truth or accuracy.   If we assume that the world is a logical, safe place as always act accordingly, we will find ourselves in a lot of pain.

3 girls family conflictsThe third common pattern we must face for change to happen is our own inertia, a paralysis usually caused by fear or denial.  Sometimes this shows up in ignorance or in people who have an “I can’t be bothered…” attitude.  Minimizing, rationalizing or using the long list of ‘shoulds’ come into this pattern.  Most often we use our well-worn coping methods to get us past the crisis.  This is often a form of deceptive masking’, the “stiff upper lip”, or ‘I’ll tough it out’ kind of thinking.

When we choose the behaviour, we also choose the consequence.  By choosing any of these 4 common reactions patterns we are also choosing the consequences of failing to reach our goals —– again.  We must face the issues, strip away the excuses and get into the frame of mind to deal with the issues without all the psychobabble self-defeating behavior.

If you answer yes to any of the following symptoms, the task ahead of you includes facing these 4 self-defeating patterns and finding answers.

     1.  Are you suffering lingering guilt, frustration or depression?     2.  Living with financial burdens you can’t manage?3.  Living a lonely existence with little hope for change?

4.  Living in a comfort zone that yields too little challenge?

5.  Facing life that offers you too little of what you do want and too much of what you don’t want?

6.  Living in a fantasy world in which you think you are bulletproof when in fact your actions entail possible risks?

7.  Consistently railing in pursuit of your goals?

8.  Just ‘going through the motions’ of your life without passion, no plan or no goals?

9.  Trudging zombie like through a dead or unchallenging career?

10.  Silently enduring an emotionally barren life or marriage?

11.  Stuck in a rut and not getting what you want out of life?

12.  Capable of more than you are accomplishing?

13.  Frustrated that you are not making more money in your job or career?

By learning better life strategies, you can stop your part of the problem.  Knowing the laws that govern your behavior and those around you will help deal with your life’s circumstances.  Change your behaviour and change will happen.  Resolve even now to take responsibility for your own life and deeper issues.  Recognise your limitations, yes but see the possibilities to find a more meaningful life in the long run.

There never is a ‘good time for change’; now is the time to change.  If you can say “I have had it!  I am sick of this!”  Relationship Rescue bookThe game begins right now.  The past is gone but you have today.  Use the measuring stick of whether the patterns of your life are ‘working or not working’.  It isn’t a matter of ‘being worthy of change’ or even the ‘rights and wrongs’ of being allowed to change.  It isn’t a matter of luck or good genes.

At least for a time, consider, be prepared and actually do something different in your ‘normal’ routine.  You can always go back to your ‘old routine’ later.  Have a special journey on hand to record your journey, what you have learned and what you wish to change.

This has been a brief adaptation and summary of the 9 ‘Life Laws’ or basic rules that govern our universe and human behavior from the book by Dr. Philip C. McGraw called Life Strategies.  Another of his books is ‘Relationship Rescue’ which also give valuable insights to changing the life patterns that seemto hold you stuck in some cycles.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author



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