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May 03

5/8 Recognizing Life Changes in Conflict Resolution

family or originWe all face conflict; it’s unavoidable especially in an important relationship.  Since we can’t avoid conflict, it’s what we learn from the situation that counts.  Do we just go round and round the mountain on the same issues or have we learned from the conflict?  Here are 10 reminders about conflict and your relationships.

1.  See conflict as a God-given opportunity to refine your chosen healthy new fight style.  Set priorities!

2.  How important is it for you to learn new skills to resolve the conflicts you face?  Own your own Stuff!  No one can change unless they are willing.  Even God can’t change us so don’t try to bully others into change either.

3.  Find what works for you.  Learn healthy self-management skills.  Accept the risk that comes with change.  Being vulnerable is part of the change structure.

4.  Accept the person you are having conflict with.  They are caught in their own heart lies and irrational thinking from their past, too.  Set them free to be wrong!  Work toward enhancing their self-esteem in the conflict as well as your own.

5.  Aim your frustration and anger in the right direction – at the problem not at the person who is also caught in the conflict.

6.  Learn to be up-front and honest with others.  Practice explaining your needs.  Catch yourself when you are using unhealthy manipulation or domination tactics.  Create meaningful accountability for your actions or in actions.  Ask for help and commitment from those you trust.

7. Focus on resolving the conflict, instead of proving you are right.  Acknowledge your need to be ‘happy’ rather than right.  You could be 110% right but the conflict still rages.

8.  Learn from one conflict before you enter the next round.  Consider how you could have done things differently.  Determine to practice doing something different with every conflict situation.  Conquer one step at a time.

9.  Refuse to get blocked by your own issues and emotions.  You are in control of your own choices and decisions.  Choose to do differently and the other will also do differently.

10. Learn to use the tools of non-judgement and forgiveness with everyone.  You will see that you are in more control of your own life than you realise.

Practice and you will find that life has rewards in momentum and choice of direction.  It’s not luck or random chance.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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