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For true intimacy to happen with a couple, the skills of verbal conflict are essential, especially between new b&w couplehusbands and wives. However, this must be a skill learned as no one is born knowing how to have a ‘constructive conflict’.

For most people, the idea of conflict is too challenging and sometimes, feared as being dangerous. However, learning to handle conflicts is essential for the long term health of any relationship. Interesting research shows that couples who learn to fight constructively will stay together – providing they learn how to fight properly. This is our hope behind this series.

True, learning such skills can be inconvenient or even awkward in some situations. Such skills take patience, good will and the flexibility to learn from mistakes. The desire to be open and lean from each conflict requires an open heart and an open mind.

We shall continue to trace the journey for Pricilla and Mickey, mastering the art of true intimacy as a foundation for their future relationship. There are many rewards to learn the debate and talk openly. The natural tensions and frustrations that are always current between males and females can be reduced. Couples can learn to live with fewer lies, inhibitions and false views of the other person. Learning to be freer emotionally with each other means the need to pretend, to wear false masks is lowered also.

Learning to communicate openly will also mean living more in the present rather than burying problems. The undercurrent in a relationship is often marred by unspoken needs and hostilities. Hiding such issues can be more and more destructive to long term intimacy.

Having such openness will also improve the future relationships in the bedroom. Less inhibitions and more natural sharing wil result. Parenting is another area where learning to handle conflicts is important. These skills mean less boredom or divorce as issues are resulted in healthy ways. Learning what is fair and what is ‘below the belt’ is essential.

Here is a brief encounter between Pricilla and Mickey:
Mickey: “Why are you Late?”
Pricilla: “I …. I tried my best to get here.”
Mickey: “Well, I hope you’re not turning into your mother. She’s always late.”
Pricilla: “That’s got nothing to do with this time.”
Mickey: “It’s got a lot to do with this. You’re becoming just as sloppy as her too.”
Pricilla: “You don’t say. (getting louder) Who keeps their car looking like a rubbish tip?”
Mickey: “(Sarcastic but controlled) “I work all day and don’t need to keep it spotless!”
Pricilla: “I’m trying to earn my living too and staying on my budget.”
Mickey: Why should I bend over backward to please you? You’re really picky these days!” (Turning and walking away)

This exchange ended badly for Mickey and Pricilla. They learned nothing from their exchange …. and would be destined to repeat the underlying issues. However, this need not have been the typical result of their conflict. Join us on the next post as we see what could have been learned and turned to better communication between these 2 people in their fight for true intimacy.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com
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