Mar 27

1/10 Learning from unsuccessful encounters for Conflict Solutions

ResourcesIn our last post, our couple ruined their evening out with unsettled issues. Let’s go back as see how the encounter could have been differently handled. Learning to see below the situation could have brought a good list of useful information to work through. Can you think of some of the points they could have explored to bring a deeper understanding?

Although being late was a valid reason to begin the discussion, it was trivial and not the real issues that were beginning to trouble our couple. The intensity and bottled up grievances were bubbling into greater and unproductive quarrels. They were both building up unspoken complaints about they other that would eventually drive them apart.

Carrying these unspoken complaints often becomes a pattern for couples. Dragging other issues into the argument as a way of defeating the other partner is very destructive as well.

Obviously, both Pricilla and Mickey could benefit from learning how to fight in a constructive way. Learning to keep their discussion up-to-date and fair in the context helps a couple form a firm foundation to build further depth of understanding and pleasant exchanges.

Ignorance of the deeper issues will not protect their future. As the pressure grows between them, other complaints and silent frustrations will grow. Only by learning from their discussions can our couple overcome the obstacles most couples face. Being non-fighters or fight evaders can end in the divorce courts or certainly less and less honesty.

Two people living with masks and unspoken expectations face the suppression of deeper and deeper, complex and inflexible issues. These physiological and emotional issues will fester and grow in time to become insurmountable blocks to their harmony. The “Whatever you want, dear ….” changes the real intentions into just keeping the peace to survive.

After their frustrating exchange, our couple realized just how far apart they were and were continuing to become. So, we pick up with their decision – to choose to learn to do better …. or to look elsewhere for someone who can better meet their needs. Which shall they choose?

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author



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