Dec 20

2/1. Intro to Conflict and Relationship Expectations

Remember the last time you were at the movies or watched one of your favourite RTV series?  Relationships seemed to be resolved and neatly finished in that short time period.  Everyone just had things out in the open and major dramas were all magically restored.

However, we know that in real life, this is not the case; family and personality issues simmer for years of even for the lifetime of the people involved.  Violence and anger fill many hours of relationship time in attempts to keep the issues hidden, sidetracked or lost in the irrelevance of non-essential talking.  We have to ask ourselves if this is a healthy way to handle the conflicts that could be discussed and openly resolved? 

We seem to expect the TV series or movies to end happily ever-after on the big screen…but in our own world, especially when it comes to getting married and couple relationships.  Our expectations often trip us up; we then find trying to resolve the issues harder and harder.  Where are the healthy solutions to the conflicts of the early years of marriage – whether you’re 20 or 65?

Most people spend more time and money learning how to drive or how to do a special hobby than working on resolution skills. Many seem to think their conflict will ‘just get better’ or eventually go away. We all have unconscious expectations that greatly influence how we respond to conflict.  Did you learn healthy skills along with your knowledge of science or basketball?

Learning healthy expectations and how to let the other person in the conflict be real also becomes part of the challenge in healthy conflict solutions.    If we expect more than others can give – or even we, ourselves can give – and then we ask for disappointment.  It’s this disappointment that turn some conflicts into all out battlefields. 

So, then the question becomes – what are healthy expectations of others and ourselves?  Are other people responsible for my happiness?  When my buttons are being pushed by others, who fault and responsibility is that?  Where, in fact did all those reactions and buttons come from and how, please how to I control my temper in out-of-control situations?

Again, this is where this section of our blog will focus our attention.

So join us in this part of our Conflict Solutions blog’s discussions and see if there are answers here for your conflicts,

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

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