Dec 17

What do you really believe about conflict with others?

Many of us have been ‘brainwashed’ into believing certain things about being in conflict with others.  We have learned these belief system or half-truths from our childhood and experience with uncompromising people.  These myths must be examined to see if our childhood belief still stands up to the truth in the ‘grown-up world’.

It might help to print off this sheet for your own personal remarks. Some of the destructive internal dialogue, heart lies we tell ourselves might include:

1: “I can’t take it if others disagree with me. …but the truth is …….


2: “Other people’s disapproval is hard to live with.”


3: “I can’t take other people’s emotional reactions.”


4: “I might lose control if they know how I feel.’


5: “I have learned I just have to comply as a way of handling conflict.”


6. “When I find conflict approaching, I have learned to get them before they get me. Therefore we put on masks, pretend and be compliant … or we come out fighting before the conflict has even begun.”


7. “A great relationship means you have to think alike on very issue.”


8. “A great relationship means you have to learn to be in harmony all the time.”


9. “A great relationship will naturally have great problem solving skills.”


10. “A great relationship means common interests to bind you together.”


11. “A great friendship is a peaceful one.”


12. “A great relationship means you don’t need to share your feelings.”


13. “A great friendship cannot happen if there are flaws in your friend.”


14. “A great relationship rests on not intruding and ignoring any your issues.”


15. “A great friendship means you become more like each other.”


16. “A great friendship means you learn to compromised more.”


              Explore some of the myths your heart believes about conflict resolution:


                                       “When I get angry, I will blow up and be out of control.”

“No one will listen to me if I get emotionally upset.”

“I have trouble being emotionally upset and talking at the same time.”

“Others won’t really listen to me unless I am loud, angry or ???”

“If I know better than the other person, and I let them know.”

“I have trouble listening to people who get emotional.”

“People who cry are trying to manipulate me.”

“If I say what I really mean, it will make others angry.”

“I cannot take someone being angry with me.”

“I can’t take it if others disagree with me.”

“I’m afraid of other’s disapproval.”

Other heart beliefs might be?

3. Write down 3 or 4 heart beliefs/myths you might feel about healthy or unhealthy conflict. Identify and write down three statements to work on.


“Three heart lies I believe about conflict are:


#1 Statement: _____________________________________________





…but the truth is:____________________________________________




#2 Statement: _______________________________________________





…but the truth is _____________________________________________




#3 Statement:



…but the truth is ______________________________________________




So what are your conclusions about what your heart believes about conflict?



How can you go about changing these three heart beliefs?



What would be the difference in your life if these three beliefs were changed?




Make a decision and set your will to practice these three heart beliefs whenever you find yourself in a situation where these beliefs surface.

I trust this Practical worksheet has been helpful for you to identify some of your false beliefs about conflict,

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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