Mar 25

3/7a Understanding Women – a Male Perspective

The following three posts are from a Guest Post by Daniel Fengler.  His wide experience comes from over 20 years as a Counsellor and Mentor, working with couples and singles.  His insights have helped many, many males to understand the dynamics between males and females.  May you enjoy his insights and wisdom!


“God has created men and women in an incredible variety of personality, shape and size.  It is difficult to talk about women in a general way, since many are so different to each other.

In needing to talk about some of the common ways that men misunderstand women, let’s consider this “bell shaped curve”.  Almost all human characteristics from shoe sizes to personality types can be graphed on such a curve.  We find this applies to males and female differences as well.

As was mentioned in the Introduction post, research shows that 80 to 85% of males will fit the ‘standard issue male’, while 15 to 20% of men will have developed a more ‘female’ brain.  For women, 10% will have more ‘masculinised’ brains. (Pease, Allan and Barbara.  Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Can’t Read Maps, page 63, Pease Training International, New South Whales, Australia, 1998.)


1. Not all Women alike

The first area of confusion is that not all women are alike.  As we have seen, they may have a ‘male’ characteristic in one area and be typically female in another.  That is why it is so important to carefully listen to them!

2. Men are also Misunderstood by Women

I often ask men who come for counselling, whether they feel like this:  “It doesn’t matter what I do, it always seems to be wrong”.  This common complaint stems from the fact that men do not understand women very well.  Men often confuse women’s needs with their wants.

An illustration of this is when a man brings flowers to appease an angry woman.  Some men would still not get it that they are patronising her.

Ultimately only Jesus can tell men, through prayer, which ‘complaint’ is denying of need and which are wants or feelings.

3. The Need to Learn about female

As we have said before, with most couples in counselling, the woman is hurt and the male is ignorant.  Most men could benefit their relationships by finding out more about these ‘alien’ creatures we share the planet with.

However, it is not possible for males to fully understand women, partly because each woman is unique, partly because men are so different from them and partly because many women do not know themselves well.  Knowing some general principles helps us to live in the same world as they do and prosper in our relationships.


We will continue this Guest Interview with Daniel in our next post.  Daniel will continue with the differences in Male – Female thinking with Five Main Differences he has found in his counselling. 

Join us then,

 Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

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