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Nov 10

10 Things I learned from this series

What your Dad didn’t tell you about the Opposite sex

rejection_1When we began this series on ‘What your Dad didn’t tell you about the opposite sex’. I wonder what can of worms we would open. Some of the insights we would discover together would not be ‘political correct’ in today’s gender equality but …. we began the series.

In even trying to get some framework around this issue, we knew we would run into the deeper issue of the “Battle of the Sexes“. That battle isn’t new to our generation. In fact, it started some 7000 years ago in a place called the Garden of Eden. Yes I am talking about the facts behind the Garden of Eden as that’s where the conflict began.

The ‘Old Nature’ was released; males will be males and females will be females. It’s only in the freedom we have in Christ Jesus that much of the damage between the sexes can be healed and settled on firmer insights. What Adam and Eve began is often the heart of the conflict faced in the counselling rooms.

Since then, every generation has added to the conflict.

We presented the concept that there are basically seven major areas of misunderstandings between male and female thinking. All of these areas were mysteries our Dad didn’t, couldn’t, or hadn’t shared with us because most often he didn’t understand women either. So each generation has been left to muddle through. Lost in the maze of misperceptions, myths and false assumptions, the battle of the sexes continues. Why do males think as they do and why do women do what they do?

So what are these 7 major areas?
  1. Females are not males in female body. Males are not females in a male body. Guess what? We really do perceive the world differently; we think about life differently. Too many men and women treat each other as though we are the same – to their confusion when they don’t get the results they expect. Often, we have problems seeing the difference! Whether you realised it or not, we are almost an alien species to each other until we start really trying to see the opposite sex in a new light.

 

  1. Opposites attract. Believe it or not, sometimes opposites can complement each other but other times, it’s cats and dogs at war. The secret is learning to see and appreciate the differences. Building on the strength of each person, rather than attacking their weakness is the key here. Creator God made males and females different for very good reasons – despite the current ‘we are all the same’ thinking.
Even science comes to the aid of helping us see the difference in the ‘Tale of 2 Brains’:

Facing the world with the Intuitive versus Rational thinking patterns is another difference in the conflict between the sexes. Most females work on an intuitive basis while most males adapt problems in logical thinking. It’s not right or wrong ….. There is a difference. Again learning to communicate helps in learning team work.

 

  1. The fourth difference we discussed is the way most males and most females look at their world. Most males use Parallel thinking, one thing at a time thinking patterns. Most females have more multi-tasking behaviours and thinking patterns. Coping with one tracked minds or doing more than one thing at a time can be confusing for the opposite sex.

Book: Dance of ConnectionBook: Waffles At this point we introduced a few interesting books that present this confusion along with suggestion on how to Book: talk so he will listen_Conflict listen 9780767907637appreciate the difference between individuals. The aim is to learn to see the opposite sex as different – not bad or good, but to learn to work together in harmony. Some suggestions we presented were: “Why men Don’t Listen and Women can’t Read Maps”, “Men are like Waffles and women are like Spaghetti”, “Discovering the mind of a Women”, “Talk so he will Listen”, “The Dance of Connection”,

  1. The Fifth major area that causes great consternation between males and females is the difference in the Logic reaction to life …..and the seemingly opposite response of the Emotions. Why are females more emotional than most males? What can be done to help this area in the battle of the sexes?

A good example of this is the ‘Over-thinking’ issues versus seeing in black or white. Over-Analysing with Martin Freeman is a good example:

Further adding fuel to the battle of the sexes is the Relationship focus most female have versus the Problem solving attitudes of most males. ‘Mr Fix-it’ on the scene confuses those who need to talk and find answers through deductive reasoning. Sometimes the need to fix a problem isn’t the issues; talking through the issue is at the bottom of the conflict.

Are we team orientation or independent in relationships? Learning to communicate in the style that helps resolve the conflict is the key here.

  1. The Seventh frustration between the sexes we covered in this series is the ‘Thick skinned male’ attitude versus the more sensitive, or fragile approach of most females in their relationship to others. My husband has often said “We deal with two groups of people in the counselling rooms: Men thick as bricks and Hurting females.”

Most women have a thinner ‘skin’, especially when it comes to conflicts. Why is this so and what can be done about resolution when in conflict?

  1. Then we added an eight difference when we approached the male female differences in the views about …. Sex…. Regardless of the ‘politically correct’ views, males and females are different when it comes to physical relationships. Sex means different things to different people but most females invest far more in the sexual ‘adventures’ than do males. We are not the same in creating lasting relationships. Expectations of “warm fuzzies” versus visual stimulation are just one example of this difference. Most males and most females approach the daily tasks of family and running a home, adding more questions to his ongoing conflict between the sexes.

So what were the major suggestions on handling the Battle of the sexes from our series? Realising that we are different, equal yet not identical begins to bring some foundation for seeing the advantages each person brings to a relationship. If we were all “…from Mars”, the world would be a strange place. Equally, if we were all “…from Venus”, we’d all be in trouble.

Creator God make the sexes and He made them to be ‘different, equal and yet not identical’. Learning to take the cuppa1time to study, to understand and work in harmony is the goal, not trying to make both sexes the same. Believe me, it doesn’t work that way.

So we trust you have learned and progressed with us as we have presented this series. I, the Author have enjoyed researching, presenting and adding insights to the journey in understanding the battle of the sexes!

In our next series, we jump into an area some have explored but many are still caught in the middle of “Learning to Fight Fair in Love and War”. We introduce Pricilla ‘the Porsche’ and Mark ‘the Truck’ as they dash head first into a complicated, lust-filled relationship.  Can they even make it with their different fight style, family of origin and personality conflicts?

How do you avoid the traps many fall into with the “Prince Charming Syndrome” when ‘the Prince’ falls of the white horse? How do you be real enough to find the partner you really want versus having to wear masks to attract that special someone? How can you learn to be yourself when everyone around you is playing the dating game?

So join us as we continue with ‘Conflict Busters’, learning to fight fair in Love and War.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com

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