careers forum



Jun 24

5/16 If Your Spouse has a Troubled Past

Finding good information for the early years of a relationship can lead to interesting places.  Here is a YouTube Video by to help those couples where one person has had a trouble, girl with seashellsabusive past.  How does the other partner cope?

Uploaded on Sep 11, 2009

“Did YOU Grow Up In a “Chaos Home”? Chaos homes are created when parents who have never dealt with their own Chaos childhood, raise their own children only to give them the same treatment that THEY were given as a child. It is a sad but true fact that Chaos homes produce Chaos Kids.

“….and unfortunately, Chaos Kids have marriage trouble. I know this first-hand because I was a Chaos Kid who married a Chaos Kid. This is the reason I lived 27 years in marriage Hell. This video describes the problems that are created in marriage when one or both spouses grew up in chaos homes.”


An excellent book in this area is:  Haunted Marriage: Overcoming the Ghosts of Your Spouse’s Childhood Abuse by Clark E. Barshinger, Lojan E. LA Rowe and Andres T. Tapia(Nov 1995)

This review is from: Haunted Marriage: Overcoming the Ghosts of Your Spouse’s Childhood Abuse

book - Haunted MarriageOne reader wrote: “An Insightful look at the effects Child Abuse can have on a survivor, as well as a guide for those who love them in how best to contend with the ghosts of their past. Written with Compassion and Empathy while encouraging an emphatic approach to attaining a life well worth living. I know… I have indeed survived with this book at my side.

Even as the ‘survivor’ of childhood abuse, this book gave me such insight into the “why’s” of my personality as an adult. Not to use as an excuse, but to grow from the emotional pain of my past, into an emotionally healthy individual.”

Another viewpoint: “After almost two years on this journey with my wife I was frustrated trying to find any books to help me understand what was going on. Our therapist, though helpful, did not have a reading list for me. I went on a search for help and found this book.

As a follower of Christ, I found the authors’ perspectives very helpful. The format of the book that includes the personal story of the spouse of a survivor followed by instruction from the therapists is most helpful. Even though the book is more than fifteen years old, and out of print, it should be must reading for a Christian spouse struggling to understand and cope with the impact of the survivor’s struggle with past abuse.”

The book is available through

Paperback             new  $15.00          Used $11.50

Or check out at Koorong – Browse … ‘catalogues’

Having been a Counselor over over 25 years and now a Mentor and Coach, I know the importance of helping couples work through these issues.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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