Apr 30

5/6 Your Basic Needs for Conflict Solutions?

In order to sort out what areas need to be addressed for the re-construction of our relationship with our partner, we must first find out which of our basic needs are not being met in the relationship.  Remember this is another FOR YOUR EYES ONLY SHEET.

Statement of need:

1 – 10

1. The need to feel, and be told, that you are loved, valued and a vital part of your partner’s life.
2. The need to feel a sense of belonging to and with your partner, that you are a priority in your partner’s life.
3. The need to feel respected as an individual, that your partner is proud to call you their own.
4. The need to feel needed for other than the tasks you perform, that you are trusted as a responsible person.
5. The need to feel special, above everyone else in your partner’s life, that you and your partner are, above all else, trusted friends.
 6. The need to feel that your partner would choose you and be marriage to you all over again.
7. The need to feel that you have been and can be forgiven for transgressions and flaws, mistakes and failures.
8. The need to feel desired, to feel passion with your partner. The need to share a spiritual life, even if that spiritual life is experienced differently by you and your partner.
9. The need to know and feel that your individual beliefs and difference are respected, if not shared.
10. The need to feel that your partner will plan and structure his/her activities to include you, to feel that social activities are shared rather than experienced individually.
11. The need for appropriate tenderness and support when in public, to be treated with politeness and regard at social occasions.
12. The need to know that your partner will rally to your aid when necessary, to stand by you in times of distress or conflict, in times of sickness and health.
13. The need to know that your partner is loyal and committed and that you have input for the emotional aspects of your relationship.
14. The need to know and have input into the practical side of your relationship, ie. finances, physical restraints, etc.

Circle any of the statements you marked as 1 to 4′.  This gives you a way of sorting out what needs are not being met in your relationship.

Learn to take responsibility to sort out how to re-structure the relationship so that both people’s needs are being met.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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