Jan 11

5/1 Conflict Solutions with Financial Management

In this short introduction to the issues of Money and Conflict Resolution, we invite to to think through the times in your own life when money may have been the reason for tension and conflict.  How did you handle such times?  Could you have done it better? 

That’s the purpose for this Conflict Solutions blog – to help clarify the issues and find healthy ways to resolve those thorny problems that can destroy relationships.

The Bible points out that ‘…the love of money is the root of all evil’ 1 Timothy 6:10.  Notice it isn’t having money that is evil but the motive of hoarding or building resources that can be the root of so many other issues harmful to Conflict Solutions.

We would be astonished at the studies relating to conflict and money issues, whether in relationships, working environment, between friends or house mates; it is one of the most common sources of disunity in families and marriages.

Our first lessons on money?  ….where do you think they came from?  Certainly our family of origin is the first place we learned the value of money.  If it was was fought over, screamed about and tightly controlled, we saw money as a valuable resource either as a good thing or as a not-so-good thing.  If money was the way to our hearts and parents used such resources to bride and win our favour with things, we view money by that light.

Handling money seems to bring out the worst in some people. How to you find a balance in conflict when relationships stretch the limit over money?  This is especially true when our partners or work colleagues have a different standard than we may have.  Poverty levels impact children as they do adults and sometimes, there is never enough money.  Greed, anger and control come in with the need to bring healthy Conflict Solutions centring around money management.

Then some people are good at managing their money while others seem to let money slip through their fingers like water.  Bankcard debts, personal loans and buying sprees are common to some people.  The opposite is true as well when budgets have to tightly controlled to scrape together than last dollar to pay the bills.  There must be some win-win solutions we can suggest to help people caught on opposite extremes to find unity in their views on money. 

“Jansen grew up in a house where he learned money was the tangible proof that his new Mum and Dad wanted his love.  So, like any 13 year old, he played it for all it was worth.  He soon had the envy of all the kids at school and the anger of his biological Mum and her partner. 

“Tickets to the Rock Star Concerts were out of the question when their budget was very tight.  Jansen turned resentful and manipulative when he was with his first Mum; how could she be so mean with money?  Of course, what he didn’t know was his Dad’s infrequent child support payments as his Dad lived from moment to moment, with huge bankcard payments competing for his income.

The results?  When Jansen was old enough: “I’ll have all the money I need!” …and followed his Dad into dept and loss of respect.  Jansen went on to marry Rebekah, who also knew a strict money balance from her family of origin.  Do we need to spell out the arguments and conflicts they had when they agreed to set up house together?”

How can you set out to have healthy money values if others are insecure or stuck in their views on the need for money?  Where is the path that is healthy for you?  We shall explore some of these questions and more in this category on Conflicts over Money Matters as a way of finding healthy Conflict solutions.  Join us then,

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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