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Personal Worksheet: #3. How Healthy are your Boundaries?

We have been looking at the Family of Origin influences on Personality issues when it comes to handling conflict solutions.  Here is another Personal Worksheet to assess your personal boundaries. 

Connectedness versus Disconnected in your FOO was our first Personal Worksheet.  Then we went onto FOO Flexible versus Inflexible.  Posts and worksheets need to be read and together.  It does help to print off the worksheets before you answer the questions.

 

Place a  “1”  next to the following questions where they apply to you.

____ 1.  I often feel guilty about not doing enough for my parents or my spouse.

____ 2.  I feel responsible for making other people happy – my spouse, my parents, my children.

____ 3.  I often share personal information with other people when it is none of their business.

____ 4.  I feel uncomfortable making my own decisions in life.

____ 5.  I often go along with the plans of others, even when I want to do something else.

_____ 6.  I often feel I must defend the actions of my parents or my spouse to other people.

_____ 7.  I do a lot of work for other people, but I hate to ask anyone to do a favour for me.

_____ 8.  My parents discouraged me from moving away from home.

_____ 9.  I wish I didn’t have the responsibilities of an adult.

Place a   “2”   next to the questions that apply to you.

____ 10.  When people criticise me, I accept what they say as true and feel bad about myself.

.____ 11.   I often think about mistakes I have made and feel bad about myself.

____ 12.  I feel I can’t trust God and feel afraid of Him.

____ 13.  My parents frequently shared intimate secrets with me.

____ 14.  I was the favourite child of one of my parents.

____ 15.  My parents did not want me to date or to marry.

____ 16.  One of my parents seemed overly interested in my sexuality and my body.

Place a   “3”   next to the statements which apply to you.

____ 17.  One of my parents preferred my company to their spouse.

____ 18.  I was physically, sexually, verbally, or emotionally abused as a child.

____ 19.  I have been in two or more relationships where I have been physically, sexually or emotionally abused.

Add up your numbers.  From 0 to 5 = fairly secure emotional and spiritual boundaries.

From 6 to 9 = significant distortions in your boundaries.

10 or more = We would encourage counselling for problems.

 

(Adapted from MinirthThe Complete Life Encyclopaedia, pages 115-116.)

This worksheet is not designed to give you a diagnosis of any problems in your life.  It is only a tool to help you see what might be the issues facing you and your relationships when it come to conflicts.  If you have scores that are of concern, either send me a comment or find a good counsellor to address the issues raised, especially if the results were 10 or more.

In fact here is a really good book on the subject:

Boundaries In Marriage 
PAPERBACK Henry Cloud , John Townsend 
Availability : In Stock               $14.95

Boundaries in Marriage by Henry Cloud and John Townsend (Aug 1, 2002)

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Author Bio   In this practical follow-up to their bestselling book on personal boundaries, Drs Cloud and Townsend show how respecting other’s personal territory can actually strengthen your relationship. They will help you to protect your relationships from such intruders as idols, affairs, other people and relationships.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com/blog

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