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Mar 04

Personal Worksheet: Connectedness in Your Family of Origin?

Begin by reading the third article in this series on how our Family or Origin influences our perspective on Conflict Solutions.  The post talks about the difference between connectedness and disconnection

I have added this personal worksheet to help you evaluate your own Family of Origin issues which might need to be resolved.  It might help to print off a copy of this worksheet.

Answer the following statements on a scale of

1 = hardly ever happened       to       5 = very common in my FOO

Statement to   think About:

1  to  5

  1.  Everyone seemed to know everyone’s activities, daily events and where everyone was most of the time.
  2.  We all shared our secrets and thoughts about others with our family members.
  3.  There was only one way to do things in my family compared to outsiders.
  4.  We had secret terms and sayings in the family that others didn’t know.
  5.  We united together around anyone in the family who had a crisis.
  6.  We all wanted to please and explain to each other our opinions and attitudes.
  7.  When one person was unhappy, we all felt unhappy until the crisis passed.
  8.  We seldom took outsider’s advice or comments over our own views on things.
  9.  We could talk to each other about anything that happened in our day.
  10.  We tended to all like the same people or dislike the same people.
  11.  We had set traditions, like celebrating birthdays.
  12.  There seemed to be one person the family revolved around, trying to keep that person happy.
  13.  Crisis events changed from one person to another but we all tried to please the person who was in crisis.
  14.  We seemed to have a lot of crisis and dramas happening in my family.
  15.  We felt very loyal to each other, trying to protect and help one another.
  16.  If one person was upset with a family member, we were all involved in helping to sort out the issues.
  17.  We tended to talk and gossip about others outside our family.
  18.  We all did the same thing together when possible.
  19.  If one family member did something outside our normal activities, we would questioned why
  20.  We all seemed to be involved in other’s approval before we did anything different.
  21.  Activities were usually shared by everyone in the family.
  22.  We all have an input into other’s actions and decisions.
  23.  We would sacrifice our personal interest for the good of the family.
  24.  One person seemed favoured by one or both parents.
  25.  There were some family secrets we kept from certain people in the family.
  27.  There were incidents of abuse in our family that we have kept hidden from others.
  28.  It was hard to have a separate opinion from others in  my FOO.
  29.  Sometimes, things were ‘over-organised for events.
  30.  Our family relationships seemed too focused on the ‘we’ doing things.
  31.  Often the emotional interdependence seemed to stop my own growth.
  32.  We all invested our time and energy into the family closeness.
  33.  In adulthood, one or more members have total rejected other family members, or cousins, aunties, etc.
  34.  If one person had a problem, we all knew about it.

The Higher to score, the more probability of enmeshment in your FOO.  The lower the score means more probable levels of disconnectedness.

                        I hope this has helped in finding answers for your own family issues.  This Personal Worksheet is not design to be a diagnostic tool but some suggestions to help find a balance.  If you scored very high or very low, I would suggest you seek professional mentoring or counselling to resolve any issues surrounding your relationships and conflict.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.marriage-firstyears.mentorsnotebook.com/blog

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