Mar 11

Personal Worksheet – Flexible and Inflexible FOO and Conflict

We have been working on the issues that arise for the early years of marriage.  So far we have discuss how the Family of Origin as one of the biggest contributors for Personality Issues.   Read the post on the Flexible and Inflexible family styles and then answer the following statements.

Answer the following questions on a 1 = never happened in my family to a 5 = very typical of my family.  It will help if you print off a copy of this worksheet.

Statement to be Answered:

1 to 5

  1.  My family has a set pattern for every occasion.
  2.  Family members never asked each other for help or advice.
  3.  Family members never were involved in outside activities as a group.
  4.  Things never seemed to get done in my family.
  5.  Discussing problems seemed to never happen with my FOO.
  6.  Most of our family gatherings were superficial.
  7.  One person seemed to be the main organiser, leader.
  8.  Avoidance and denial were most methods to settle conflicts.
  9.  My parent/parents never resolved issues with the rest of us involved.
  10.  We could seldom express our true feelings to our parents.
  11.  Major decisions were made with no discussion from parents.
  12.  Discipline was consistent for any offence.
  13.  We were just expected to comply with crisis or dramas.
  14.  Little problem solving was demonstrated by parents.
  15.  A variety of ways were used to control children into compliance.
  16.  There were strict rules about bedtime, TV or most activities.
  17.  Parents were inflexible in their beliefs about the world, God, etc.
  18.  My parents had difficulty dealing with any teenage issues.
  19.  Certain topics were ‘off limits’ in my FOO.
  20.  We worked together to keep up a united front with others.
  21.   Few questions about life were openly talked about.
  22.  Few compromises happened when conflict arose.
  23.  Physical punishment – sometimes harsh – was used to keep us in line.
  24.  I didn’t see my FOO model flexible solutions to change and crisis.
  25.  We were seldom encouraged to talk about things as children.


The questions will reflect that the higher the score, the more Inflexible the Family of Origin.  Most families will be in the middle range of scores.  If you found your scores at either end of the extreme range, it would be beneficial to find a good counsellor to resolve issues before marriage took place.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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