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Welcome to our Home Base on Conflict Resolution!

So the first question? What is this blog site about?

Good Question! …….. So why is the topic so Important?

Everyone has conflict; that’s not a surprising statement! However, so many, many people are fearful of entering into any conflict that their stomach curls up in a tight ball whenever facing any form of hostility. It’s sad to have to live life that way.

Others may welcome conflict as a way to prove their own self-worth. They seem to enjoy a good debate…..but others around them recoil and leave the scene when they begin their latest ‘soapbox’ of opinions.

Other people have great, huge conflicts but behind closed doors where only they know the cost of being beaten and abused, verbally or physically.

Others? Well, I’m sure you can add to the list.

However, we want you to know that there are healthy ways to handle conflict. What? Healthy ways?

Yep! Because conflict cannot be avoided, it’s healthy to learn the right ways to handle conflict, all conflict. It’s possible to ‘clear the air’ with healthy conflict. …..yes, without control issues, physical or verbal abuse, without avoidance or withdrawal.

That is the purpose of this blog. We want to show you how to do it and sometimes, how not to do it! Your Blog authors certainly are not perfect in this area but sometimes we learn better from how not to do something.

We have been Counsellors for over 25 years and mentors after that. We do know some things that can help you handle your own conflicts in healthy ways.

……. Hey, you can read more About Us on our Contact Page.

Our categories for handling conflict in healthy ways will include:

         1. The Heart of healthy Conflict Resolution

Building strong Resolution skills requires experience, practice, determination and the willingness to work toward making life better. From our experience as Christian Counsellors for over 25 years, it is possible to aim for this goal: to build a strong marriage and strong relationships with others around us. With this as a foundation, people can face storms and great times, disasters and anything life throws at them …. and survive.

Without this determination to work on learning how to resolve conflicts, weakness results …. and failure can be the end result. Much of the results are in our hands. What will you do now to make your Conflict Resolution skills better to survive the tough times?  Remember you work on the roof in good weather rather than when the storms and rain comes. Becoming ‘intentional’ in learning new skills is part of the key to a happier, less stress filled life.

We shall cover problem solving, setting conflict rules, learning about boundaries and finding your personal styles. Helping each couple face and work to a willingness for a compromise but better yet, a‘win-win’ solution is the goal.

    2. Conflict and Relationship Expectations

Most people spend more time and money learning how to drive or how to do a special hobby than working on resolution skills. Many seem to think their conflict will ‘just get better’ or eventually go away. We all have unconscious expectations that greatly influence how we respond to conflict.

     3. Conflicts and Personality Issues

In this section, we shall focus on the saying: “To Each Their Own”.  What makes you the person you are? This includes looking at the 3 main contributors to our personality: Family of Origin, male/female differences and individual personalities differences.

    4. Better Communication Resolution Skills

Communication happens when the message we mean is the message we say…and the other person hears that message. Many blocks stop that communication process from happening. What we mean isn’t always what we  say or what someone hears. This section explores the most common pitfalls and how to communicate clearly with our spouse.

5. Conflicts with Financial Management

Handling money seems to bring out the worst in some people. How to you find a balance in conflict when relationships stretch the limit over money?

    6. Conflicts in the First Year of Marriage

The early years of marriage bring special and unique conflict so we need those resolution skills more than ever as the honeymoon ends and a marriage begins.

7. Conflicts within Families

Conflict Resolution skills are learned in our family of origin. Overly-flexible or families that are rigid are a challenge when it comes to learning healthy conflict skills. How did we do as we grew up in our own family?

Children are at the mercy of parents without boundaries or limits when it come to fighting. Can we teach children good skills and help them practice these goals too?

    8. Male – Female Conflicts

All the jokes about males and female differences have a solid base.  We’ll see the differences and how these differences influence their conflict resolution styles.

9.  Family of Origin Conflicts

It’s no surprise that the family you grew up in will have the greatest influence on how yor handle conflict – or don’t handle them  Different family styles – enmeshed, flexible and so on will be discussed.

     10.  Practical Case Study

It always helps to see how the basic principles of conflict resolution apply in real life.  We’ll present Chelsea and Marko as an example of healthy solutions when conflict hits their relationship

                                    11.  Blended Family Conflicts

Trying to unite two families, often torn by grief, deeper tensions or brokenness can also be a huge area for conflicts.  Therefore, blended families have special issues that require different skills of better communication, working on past issues and bringing hop for the any children involved.

    12.  Handling Conflicts with Teens and Children

So what about children and teens?  Can they learn new habits before they enter the world of adults and jobs?  We spend more time teaching Maths, science and other (important) subjects in schools than learning the basics of relationships.

Teaching children communication skills can happen in an environment of encouragement and love.  Teaching reflective listening, sharing emotions and using term to take responsibility for their issues are essential to healthy conflicts.  Children and teens can learn these skills early to avoid the major issues later in life.

13.  Conflict over Sexual Expectations

Huge changes have been made in almost every western society over sexuality and the issues relating to sexuality.  How do we handle dating – or do we even do that anymore?  …or sexual expectations when we first meet someone…or what’s the next step in forming a relationship based on healthy sexual ideas and views?  Have you heard it said that when women come to marriage, they are expecting a regular, forever ‘pillow talk partner’ while men … they think they can have this ‘sex kitten’ willing and ready any time they want.   Where is the healthy negotiation skills needed for this area?

14.  Spiritual Belief and Conflict

In an age where ‘multicultural’ demands and ideas surround us, is there a place for healthy conflicts over faith and belief systems when relationships seem to implode.  Healthy discussion is necessary but then, where is the boundary line between what you believe and I believe when it comes to healthy marriages, relationships and work mates?

      15.  Then we present our Guest Posts, Special worksheets , Conflict Resolution Courses and Websites/blogs of interest

There are a variety of websites and blogs that contain helpful advice and posts. Personal worksheets help you to identify any problem areas that still need to be resolved in your own life However, we are sure you understand the need to keep these articles usable and open-hearted. So please read the guidelines below and complete the form at the bottom of the page.

We’ll be inviting Guests to write about their journey, as well as finding ‘podcasts’, interviews with interesting people, stories and great articles! You’ll also find great Resources: YouTube videos, helpful books, eBooks, music and other media resources included in our Library. We have also present a variety of practice worksheets and personal exercises and other great free resources to help you on this journey.

*******

“May you always have enough happiness to keep you sweet, enough trials to keep you strong, enough success to keep you eager and enough determination to make each day a good day!” (Motivations & Inspirations, www.allaustgreetrings.com)

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com

PS We have a NEW BLOG:  www.thebookaboutyou.mentorsnotebook.com

Come and see the bargain eBooks and other great books others are recommending!

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