Sep 15

6/1 Conflict Solutions and understanding the Opposite Sex

male female diffWe now head into an area where we must tread carefully.  Much of what we will share comes from over 25+ years of counselling experience and on a personal level, a very happy marriage of 40+ years.  However, I aware that some of what we will share is be counter to the current ways of thinking in a society where ‘do your own thing’ is most people’s guidelines.

After 25+ years of counselling and Mentoring, we think we have seen most of the problems between the sexes.  Too often we see two single people living in a marriage situation and neither have any idea of where their partner is thinking and acting.  So how can we help such couples to learn to live within the healthily boundaries of marriage and still be unique, thriving individuals?  How can two people, vastly different in their family of origin or life views adapt and grow as one unit?  Is it even possible in our individualistic cultures?

We have seen opposites attract and yet their tensions tear apart a marriage … but that need not be.  There are ways to get past the barriers created by the battle of the sexes, but first we must understand the basic fundamentals of male female relationships.  We are very different, yes like Mars and Venus.  Let’s not get hung up on any stereotypes but join me as we find some answers.

To understand these questions, we need to go back to the beginnings of the relationship between males and females.  These first recorded events surrounding the problems can be found in the Old Testament, in the book of Genesis.  Yes, I can almost hear the groans as we turn to this story but to me as a counsellor, so many of the answers about the war between the sexes are found in these pages.  I have seen the story repeated a thousand times in our current mindset about marriage – even though it was almost 7,000 years ago when the first events happened.Susan3

I deeply believe the story in Genesis is the guidebook to where we need to head to understand why males and females are so different. 

So grab your Sunday school memories of the Bible stories you heard …. or go and read Genesis, chapter 1 to chapter 4 as the basis for our next discussions.  So remember how the story goes?  Creator God spoke the worlds into existence.  The day and the night, stars and the galaxies were put in their place.

The Creator made places we shall never, never see were spread across the heavens.  Billions and billions and billions of stars, suns, galaxies, etc were created.  It would be easy to get sidetrack here on the wonders of these unseen worlds… but we shall return to our current theme – males and females.  If you are interest though, check out some of our other blog posts.

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Over the next 6 days, the Creator made a perfect earth and chose to populate the Perfect garden with a man named Adam.  Can you imagine the scene with me, dear reader.

We can imagine that Adam watched as each pair of animals had a mate and began to enjoy the creation around them.  Sometimes, he would have sighed and wished he too had a mate … but he could walk and talk with his creator.  Wasn’t that enough … to just relate to God alone?

Eventually, the Creator thought it wasn’t enough …. From the earth, Adam was formed.  (link to chosen) and then The woman was taken from his rib – delicate and designed as a contrast to the male….so a suitable companion was created.

The Creator was pleased with this creation.  The Creator pronounced this as “very good” in Genesis 1:31. Adam was so pleased that he pronounced the basis for all marriages: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called ‘woman’ for she was taken out of man.” (Genesis 2:23)

We have little to guide us in our world today as to the total unity and oneness found between this first couple.  They were unique, each with their own commission and they blended perfectly.  There was no hint of lesser or of one ruling over the other in control.  No fear or barriers existed between them.  In their innocence, they were without clothes and they didn’t feel shame or embarrassment in how they had been created.  They even walked and talked with their Creator in the cool of the evening.

Adam was given a Commission.  Genesis 2:15 explains his purpose “…to work It and take care of it …”.  The original word here is ‘Shamar’, which means to guide, guard and govern. Adam was giving the job to care for the Garden to guide, guard and govern the world where they found themselves.  This would not have been a hard task for him as the world around him was in perfect condition from the Creator’s hand.

The woman had commission as well.  Her job was ‘…. to be an equal and suitable helpmate ….’.  Total balance was everywhere and nothing was lacking in their paradise.

One of the key elements Adam was given to help him in his commission was a logical, practical mind.  He was given the task of naming all the animals and other things in his world.  His task orientated thinking would help keep the order in the strawberry patch and the elephants.  His life was perfect.

There was not need to search for food or for shelter as they were surrounded with fruit, vegetables and all matter of very teasy choices.  The animals around them were even friendly and life was excellent.  They lacked for nothing and their world was absolutely perfect.

The Woman was given the added tools of an intuitive nature which would greatly help their working together to raise their offspring.  Her goal was also to help in keeping the strawberry patch and the elephants but with an intuitive approach alongside Adam’s logical viewpoint.  The worked as a team, totally compatible and in total unity.


I’m sure you remember the story for the next tremendous change in the created order of things.  Perfection did not last because there was ‘a snake in the grass’, actually in the tree.  That part of the story starts in Chapter 3 of Genesis. Join us for the next post and we shall see the consequences of this snake and their response to its presence.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

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1 comment

  1. Susanne

    We are starting new series: “What your Dad didn’t Tell you about the opposite Sex!” Come and join us

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