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Apr 22

6/20 (2) Conflict Solutions looks at the Logic versus the Intuitive Mindset

fidelity couple2Our aim in presenting this material is not to prove one gender is better than the other, or that one is more capable than the other, but to improve relationships between the sexes. 

There are God-given, biological and social reasons why men and women are unique and pre-programmed to behave in certain ways.  The secular world would have us believe that it is just our genes, or our environment and social conditioning that dictates gender ‘culture’.  However, there is a third stream – God’s creation.

Often when people talk about male / female differences, they are really talking about the way a person perceives the world around them and makes decisions (see Homework).  Do they primarily use logic (rational) or emotions / spiritual (intuition)?  This difference, some of which is ‘hard-wired’ into the physical brain, can be hard to adjust to.

As a general rule, males tend to be more rational, females more intuitive.  When this is not the case, people can become very confused.  In relationships it is often the case of ‘opposites attract’.  This is totally normal and Godly.  The problems usually start with judgements made out of pride, ignorance or hurt.

So far, we have examined 4 major differences between the genders.  The fifth major area of differences in the genders is that of the Logical, rational mindset versus the feeling, emotional centred way of looking at life. 

Genders differences have show us that males and females have different perceptions of their world.

a. Most Males and Females have different perceptions of Space – We have already looked at the differences in expectations of intimacy, where males need more ‘quiet time’ and women more ‘connection’

When it comes to perceptions of physical space, there are also differences.  Many women find it difficult to navigate or find directions based on maps or compass bearings (they use landmarks instead).  Most men are better at navigation because their brains are wired for it.

b. Many have different Perceptions of Time – Many men are willing to do things at the last minute, whereas women often want to plan things out a bit in advance.  Unfortunately, many men are overly optimistic about how long a given activity is going to take!

c. Genders differences include unique Capacities – Both genders have different giftings and abilities.  We need to respect these differences, instead of despising them.  Women often have a ‘gut feeling’ about things that commonly is called ‘women’s intuition’.  Often in the spiritual, emotional or relationship realms it is more accurate than logic.

Most men on the other hand are often good at problem solving.  In fact men often get a lot of satisfaction in solving problems.  As a broad rule boys grow by being challenged, women by being protected and secure.

One of the main ways these differences show up is in making decisions.  Ask most men about Arby muddy water small Blogthe last car they bought and they’ll most often talk about the engine performance, the ratio of petrol to mileage, the speed of the car and so on.  Ask most women about the car they love and they’ll talk about the comfort, the colour and the overall look of the car.  Again, we can see the logical versus the intuitive influence in their choice of a car.

As we examine the influence on the genders with these basic differences, it is easy to see how the conflicts develop. As an example, about 10 years ago, I needed to see a specialist doctor some 1 1/2 hours from our homw.  So the process would be that my husband and I would leave work asap and head down into the city for the doctor’s appointment.

Our frustration would mount every time this appointment time rolled around as he would always, always be 15 minutes, 1/2 late.  We asked the receptionist and her answer was “He’s a specialist so he often gets called into court cases.” This was understandable but irritating for his patients.

Anyhow, one time he was a whole hour late.  Finally his receptionist told a packed waiting room that he was cancelling all appointments for today!  On the way home, I was venting my frustrations:

Me: “At least, he could have called earlier….”Susan3

Daniel: “But he probably didn’t know ….”

Me: “There hasn’t been one apology to us ….”

Daniel: “He probably is so busy ….”

Finally I had enough: “Are you on my side or his?” I yelled!

At that moment, we learned something very important for all logical versus intuitive agreements:

You ALWAYS support the emotions of the other person before you apply logic!   When I heard, “Yes, it wasn’t professional of him and I agree with your frustrations ….”, I could then be logical as I knew I was being heard.  Emotional support must always, always come before a logical response in any situation!  We cannot say this strong enough as it resolved more conflicts than many other resolution skills!

The response to emotions must always start with emotions: “I hear your frustrations ….”.  Then and only then can the emotional person calm down enough to step into logical problem solving!

Intuitive people work a lot by their ‘inner knowing’.  They can be more emotionally and spiritually sensitive.  They “know that they know”, but may have difficulty putting things into words.  They need space to express themselves, to talk until they find their truth. 

This can be a problem if an intuitive is trying to relate to a very logical person, as logic tends to want to debate to prove their thinking.  However, intuitives often tend to have good relationships, because relationships are mostly a combination of emotional and spiritual activity.

Most rationalists want to work with facts.  They work by ‘external knowledge’ or using logic to solve problems.  Sometimes, the logical, rational viewpoint eliminates, does not respect or understand emotions or spiritual things. 

Another problem is that intuitives often resolve problems by talking them through.  Since they don’t seem to have ‘finished’ their thinking process, they can change the final outcome of what they are thinking.  Logicals tend to resolve their thinking internally and many times, do not need to talk things through to see the bigger picture versus the Intuitives who do need the space to talk things out.  As we can see from this difference between the genders, this is where many conflicts begin. 

This process seems to rationalists as though the intuitives have ‘changed their minds’ when the truth is they have only processed the information further, the same as a rationalist does internally.  This is why it seems that women have taken the “right to change their minds”!!

The major friction between these groups is that rationalists (mostly men) don’t give intuitives (mostly women) enough scope to really explain themselves before the man either gets impatient, or cuts her off.

Conclusions: There are many remarkable differences in the way most males and females handle conflict.  Much of this has to do with how they process information.  Are they primarily intuitively (“I know that I know”) then their struggle  to find words to express the truth.  Or is the person more rationally (“I have worked out logically what truth is”) and their struggle is now I have to make it real to my inner man.  How do I get the decision from the head fit into relationship with a person with a different mindset?

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com

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