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May 09

6/21 Something to Remember about Emotions

family conflict

In the last post, we discussed the difference in mindset between the Logic versus the response of the Emotions and intuitions.  It is not our intention to present the importance of learning to handle our emotions in healthy ways on this blog.  However, if you want to know more about your emotions, find us on www.totalwholeness.mentorsnotebook.com/blog

It is important to stress however, that we all have emotions, whether we show them or not.  Feelings are morally neutral it is what we do with them that involves being good or bad.  The mindset to totally follow our intuition or emotions in life can be harmful to our mental health if we neglect the other parts of our personality.

Well understood and trained emotions can be reliable servants leading us to what is in our hearts.  Emotions are intertwined with our body soul and spirit and impact our whole system.  Although feelings are real they aren’t reality itself. First there is reality, then how we ‘see’ or perceive reality and finally there is what we feel about what we perceive.

Emotions show us what is in our hearts which expose our belief systems or attitudes.  Emotions are predictable when we understand our attitude about the events that produced the emotions.

Spidder2For example, if I opened my hand to you and there was a spider.  What would be your reaction?  Most people would jump or run from the spider; a few might come look at the spider and say “I’ve never seen a velvet brown spider before!”   What makes the difference?

To stop reactions patterns of any kind, you need to look at the events in your earlier years where you took in your beliefs about spiders, or traumatic events where spiders were involved.  How do you change this reaction?  By changing your thinking patterns, by examining the event where the trauma began.  This is what the Bible calls ‘the Heart’, or what Dr. Freud called the unconscious.  Again if you want to learn more about your Heart reaction patterns and how to change your thinking patterns, come explore www.totalwholeness.mentorsnotebook.com/blog

How does our emotional nature develop?

Our families of origin are the cradles of feelings and have the first and most lasting influence on your emotional development.  Research shows that a three month old baby will have two basic emotions delight and distress.  As the baby grows and matures other emotions develop around these two basic ones.

It is therefore important to recognize that the key to how we handle our emotions is in looking at our family of origin and how they handled emotions including our own.

Emotions can be handled in a variety of ways.

a. Burying/Repression:

Another word for this is “denial”.  Repression can be healthy short term to give the person a little extra time to deal with emotions that might totally overwhelm them. (such as at the time of death of a loved one)

“It is not however healthy to repress or bury emotions indefinitely. A negative cycle begins. The more we experience negative emotions and fail to express them, the more pressure builds inside us…….The result can be inner rage, fear or anxiety that boils just below the surface for years or decades.”  (Deadly Emotions : 54)

b. Acting out our emotions:

Taking our anger, frustration or jealousy out on others is harmful to relationships.  We can learn to handle these human emotions in better ways than ‘acting out’.

c. The third and best ways to handle our emotions it to understand them and learn to see the negative aspects that are harming ourselves or others.

The initial process of learning to repress emotions is conscious.   Over time it becomes a subconscious act and takes less effort and can become an almost instinctual response to something negative.  People who have repressed their emotions from childhood or for a long period tend to express one or more of the following: perfectionism, a desire for control. self-doubt and self-deprecation, cynicism and criticism, sometimes promiscuity.  Others may use: sarcasm, gossip, using the silent treatment, punishing remarks, analysing, attacking, avoiding, withdrawal just to name just a few ways we repress our emotions.  We can also avoid facing our emotions in a flurry of busyness, …… but feelings don’t go away.

As much as we try to avoid them they will find an opportunity to resurface.  We can develop masks to hide behind, which causes us to be dishonest about how things really are with us.

How to Healthy Handling of Emotions.

   #

How to restore my emotions

 

Examples 

  LISTEN to and be aware of  the emotions at a conscious level.   Learn to be aware of physical and mental Sensations in your body. 
  2   ACKNOWLEDGE and recognize the emotions you are feeling.    Learn to identify and put the correct labels on your feelings. Admit they are influencing your life 
  3   ADMIT TO/ACCEPT the emotions you feel.   Break off old habit patterns. Identify and label emotional intensity. 
  4   DECIDE what to do with your Emotions, bring yourself towards health.   Look for “whys”. Take responsibility, confess, forgive, release, ventilate and express emotions in healthy ways. 

 Whether the person is over logical, rational or over emotional, intuitive both ends of the line can be harmful.  Learning to work together in a relationship with the opposite sex is the goal of good health.  We hope that this little post has helped toward that goal.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com

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