Jun 06

6/23 The 6th Difference in Genders for Conflict Solutions The Relationship Focus versus the Problem Solving Focus

male female diffSo far in our discussion on ‘What your dad didn’t tell you about the opposite sex’, we have looked at Five of the Seven main misunderstandings about males and females.  We talked about the unconscious belief that females are just like males but in a female body.  How wrong this misdirected conception is ….. and how painful when males and females hold this unrealistic idea.  

Check out: for a quick review.

Then the second area we looked at was the interesting view that opposites can and do attack.  It’s finding the right balance and combining the talents and gift of both people that often holds the key to good working relationships.  

Check out his for q quick review:

Thirdly, the intuitive verses the logical approach to life is reflected in these differences between most males and most females.  Go back here to see the post:

4th was The Parallel versus Serial behaviours and thinking patterns.  Check here for a quick review:

Then, 5th was The difference in the Logic versus the response of the Emotions in looking at life.  Here is that post:

Now, we go onto the 6th difference between most males and females: The Relationship versus Problem Solving Focus.

We can see from the original foundation of the differences between the sexes found in Genesis that God designed female brains to be relationship / communication oriented.  Many studies have proven this from a scientific point of view.  Therefore female culture will always contribute to sharing and caring .… but you might ask “Why is that?”

God designed female brains to be relationship/communication oriented.  Many studies have proven this form a scientific point of view.  Therefore most female culture will contribute to sharing and caring, while their internal ‘wiring’ makes it easier for them to ‘see’ relationship difficulties.  Perhaps it has something to do with the fact that babies and children need nurturing, which historically and biologically has been the female role.

Most women ‘see’ more issues with relationships then most men do.  It is almost like men see in B & W and women see in colour.  How does someone describe what colours they see in a painting to someone who can only see black and white?

Most male brains, in general, are fact based, wired for ‘3D’ and problem solving oriented.  That is why most men can read maps better than most women.  However, it not careful, most men tend to be ‘Mr. Fix Its’ rather than hear the whole problem before jumping in with solutions.

You can find males and females in both areas but majority of males have a problem solving element to their thinking.  In contrast, most females use more feeling centred ways to resolved conflicts and problems.   Can you see how this also relates to the original Adam’s commission: ‘…to guide, guard and govern the garden…’?

The Problem then?

The problem in relationships is when males try to fix a problem by giving the woman rational advice, beforefidelity couple2 the intuitive female has established relationship.

Another problem is when most males – or even many females also – try to fix a problem by giving rational advice, before the intuitive female has established relationship. 

Have you ever had long talks with a female?  It is ‘food’ for them.  Many women feel betrayed when they get married and the ‘D and M talks’ don’t happen as much or even stop.  They thought they were going to get fed like that for the rest of their lives!  Communication must be nurtured to keep a healthy relationship between the sexes. 

Most men can’t relate to what is important for women  ….. and how does the woman get through to him?  Often men’s pride causes them to ‘close their ears’.  When this happens only a great deal of pain can cause the man to ‘get’ with the program.

It is not surprising that males and females usually handle conflict differently.   The key is again learning to value the other person’s skills and abilities, to work as a team rather than in competition.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author 



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