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Jul 22

6/25 Learning to Communicate is the Key to Gender Harmony

As we mentioned in our last post on the logical and relationship differences between most males and mostrejection_1 females, talking about things is essential to every good relationship!

Speech is the main form of communication with most females.  In fact, most women process information by speaking out while they are thinking through issues.  (ex.  ‘rational male’ vs. ‘intuitive female working out budgets. 

A common male complaint is: “She’ll talk me to death if I let her!”  WHY?  Talking about her problems is how most women get relief from stress.  She wants to be heard, not have the problem fixed right then and there.

Again, from research, many women speak an average of 6,000 to 8,000 words a day.  She will also use another 8,000 to 10,000 gestures, facial expressions, head movements and other body language signals to relate her message.  In contrast, most males speak an average of 2,000 to 4,000 words with some 2,000 to 3,000 body language signals.  Learning to explore, accept and adapt to the differences of the other helps bring smoother journeys as males and females!

Here is an example of a typical male – female conversation:

Mike and Teena:

Teena:  “Hi, Darling!  It’s good to see you back home.  How was your day?”

Mike:  “Good.”

Teena: “Brian told me that you were going to finalise that big deal with Peter’s company today.  How did it go?”

Mike:  “Fine.”

Teena:  “That’s good.  He can be a really tough customer.  Do you think he’ll take over the company?  Will he take your advice?”

Mike:  “Yeah.”

Hearing her ‘thinking out loud’ process often taps into the male’s need to problem solve and fix things.  When women ‘share their concerns’, most males feel nagged. 

Learning to just listen is a necessary skill for male / female relationships. 

Males often talk in ‘conclusions’while she is still in her ‘helpmate’ commission, bringing him information to help solve the problem. 

The best way to get a male to listen is to provide advance notice and have an agenda.

 And so on …..  As a result, Mike feels interrogated and becomes annoyed.  Teena just wanted to hear about his day, add suggestions and express concern.

Most females need to learn to shorten and ‘tailer’ their need for longer conversations to their male counterpart.  This takes practice and more practice because most females need to take things through to come to their logical conclusions.  This is where talking to the Lord helps or to another confidential friend.

Most males need to learn how to listen to their female partner.  Sometimes this can even mean making eye contact and adding a few ‘Hhuuummms’ or ‘ahaaas’ or yes, I understand’ to help keep her talking.   Their mind can be elsewhere as long as they are giving her the attention she needs.  As you can see, this needs to be practiced and the willingness to have patience and understanding of where the other person really needs to be to communicate effectively.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com  

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