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Aug 07

6/26 Conflict from Thick Skinned Males and Sensitive Females

communication skillsSo far in our discussion on ‘What your dad didn’t tell you about the opposite sex’, we have covered Six of the Seven main misunderstandings about males and females.   Go back and look at 6/23 if you need a quick review.  We will cover the eight issue in a later post.

In this post, we want to venture into a seventh area: The thick skinned male versus the more fragile emotions of the female.  Most women have a thinner ‘skin’, especially when it comes to conflicts and their approach to others.  Why is this so and what can be done about resolution when in conflict?

Remember, we are talking about a large percentage of males and a large percentage of females.  Certainly you can find some thick skinned females as well as sensitive males.  However, on the overall picture, this difference between the sexes holds true.  Women seem to have their feelings ‘hurt’ more often than most males.  This is the ‘fragile emotions’ of most females show that this part of the difference between the genders.

Some of our perceptions are easy to see.   You can see this is the world around you – in TV shows, work places, the media and so on.  It is not a matter of good or bad, is just is.

Other places we can find the difference is from our Christian heritage.  One of the major controversies and disagreements around this subject comes from the verse in the Bible, in 1 Peter 3:7.

“Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.” (NIV)

What does the Holy Spirit mean when He calls women “weaker”?

We all need to understand this: Women are weaker in the sense of ‘fragile’ as most women are more easily injured when it comes to relationship issues.  Therefore, women have a greater need to talk things out; men need to respect this, not despise it.

Many women need to talk about their hurt.  It is healthy for both men and women to verbalise their feelings.  Women live on average 8 years longer than men, because by sharing feelings they reduce stress and tension and so keep their bodies healthier.  Intellectual men, on the other hand, may ‘blow their heart right out of their chest’ if they keep it all bottled up inside.

Every woman, in relationship with men, is subject to hurt.  Therefore is is important to understand couple conflictthe bottom line reasons why a woman gets hurt.

In all societies women are more dependent than men; the dynamics of power seem to be in a man’s favour.  Married or single, most women have two main issues to resolve: hurt and fear.

As individuals, women can be just as independent as men can ….. but in relationships, they are more ‘dependent’.  This is due to their God-given nature of being ‘other-centred’.  Women are dependent upon the male choosing the ‘right numbers’ – the right path to lead the family.  Women need to know they – and the family – will be protected and kept safe.  If the man is ignorant and / or refuses to take responsibility, she will get hurt.

When a woman senses her man is not making wise choices, she will blame him, withdraw, or try to force him to do things her way.  This is when the relationship continues to fall apart as he senses her disapproval and continues to withdraw …. or tries harder to please her.  The downward spiral continues.

Continue with us as we see what some of the solutions may be so that women are not so hurt and males can share the emotions more in safe ways.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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