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Jun 22

6/36 Choosing Healthy Relationships for Conflict Solutions

 So far in our posts on male female differences, we have looked at the main 8 topics.  Today I want to concentrate on choosing to have healthy couple5relationships versus unhealthy, frustration interaction with others.  Here we see the importance of Male Females approach to facing the hassles of life.

….but what does that mean?  How do we choose dying friendships instead of nurture our relationships?  What bring death to our relationship with God and with others?  Again, our free will choice is one of life or death in your Relationships.

  1. We will all face conflict with others at sometime

You can’t avoid the clash of relationships, so we need to learn how to handle the differences.  When we react and go the wrong way with these disagreements, we bring death – to the relationship, to our heart and to following Jesus.

Ways people handle conflict?  He wants us to learn healthy ways to see these differences and still be human.

We can learn to choose healthy friends over dying, unhealthy Life every time we follow Him instead of do what ‘Self’ wants to do.  That’s one of the Laws of the Kingdom….’death to self’.

2. Buttons and Heart reactions

We’ve all been there – someone just pushed a button and your Heart reacted.  It may have been a small thing or a huge thing but your Heart didn’t like their actions.  Example: Daniel and our kitchen arrangement.

When we first moved into our new home I arranged the kitchen the way I thought best.  Soon, I found that my beloved Daniel would come and change h8ings. Finally I got to the point of asking the Lord where the button had come from.  Almost immediately, I saw the memory of coming home from school and my Mother had just cleaned through my closet and drawers and thrown out some of my special jeans, tops, etc.  When Daniel came into the area of ‘my’ kitchen, he triggered the buttons – but where was the original button?  Where did I have to do some ‘Heart Work’?

We can learn to see these ‘button’ as valuable open windows to our Heart and deal with them!  Our loving Father God loves us too much to leave that pain in our Heart.  Stop and think a minute about your buttons – or have you arrived where you don’t have any?

3. It’s the Judgements that keeps the issues locked in!

So what is going on with these buttons?

An event happens….my Heart makes a judgement – right, wrong, good, bad – and takes an offense….unforgiveness sets in….other things come following after!  So what’s the answer?  Where did it all start – Judgement!

Discernment is different than Judgement. Train your Heart to refuse to Judge anyone, anything or any place!  You’ll cut right across the enemy’s plans to trap you!  Remember the Lord’s Prayer?  It can read ‘release us our sins as we release other’s sin against us’.

4. We only have 3 ways to resolve Conflicts

We are given two ways to resolve conflicts and they are both in the same chapter in Matthew.

a. Forgive which mean?

b. Confront which means?

c. Or … Work the issues through at a Heart level, release, healed and ready to forgive.  This is where the freedom and peace is when facing conflict solutions.

Too many of us are doing the forgiving when we need to do the confronting and the other way around.  What’s Jesus saying? That’s the goal!

When we don’t release people, things, places, and take off your judgement of anything – Satan included – we are choosing death.  We are eating of the same Tree Adam chose!  Neither can we so confront people that we keep them from pushing our buttons.  That’s where ‘Control’ goes out of balance with setting people free to the choice of their will.  If you want mored information on how important the Heart is in this whole process, come over to my other blog:    and see all the 7 parts of your personality and their influence on your life.

5. Conclusions.

Far more is taught about forgiveness than we have absorbed.  Partly because our Heart hasn’t been heard when it’s been hurt with the event and the offense.  Learning how to hear Heart, but firmly teach your Heart to release all judgement is the path to life!

Yes, that takes practice and learning how to catch your Heart – which means about a quick 5 to 8 seconds race!  It is well worth the race though to catch hold of LIFE!  This is where healthy relationship happens.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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