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Jul 08

6/38 Emotional Needs are Expressed Differently for Males and Females

One of the major areas where men do not know how to interact properly with women is in the area of rejection_1emotional protection. This area includes emotional ‘touch’ as listed above but more specifically involves respecting female emotions and listening to them in a non-judgmental way.

Most Women need to Talk

Women have an in-built need to talk. It is a very healthy thing, which most men don’t understand. Women need to talk for at least three reasons:

God designed their brains to be relationship / communication oriented. Many studies have proven this from a scientific point of view. Therefore female culture will also contribute to sharing and caring.

Many females are ‘intuitives’ that process information by speaking about it. ‘Intellectuals’, by contrast, process information silently, internally, then come to a conclusion, which they may share verbally. When an intuitive woman wants to process information, she will talk it through out loud and thus can modify it as she goes along (ex). Many intellectual men will correct an intuitive woman while she is still processing information, and unfairly calls her an ‘idiot’. She will come to good conclusions herself if left alone long enough to verbally process her information.

Many women need to talk out of their hurt. It is healthy for both men and women to verbalise their feelings. Women live on average 8 years longer than men, because by sharing feelings they reduce stress and tension and so keep their bodies healthier. Intellectual men, on the other hand, may ‘blow their heart right out of their chest’ if they keep it all bottled up inside.

Remember that God created the Universe by speaking it out. There is something supernatural about words. James says that words have the power of life and death. When I speak it out that I am ‘annoyed’, I will be less annoyed already. It is healthy for both sexes to share their feelings. Remember King David who wrote some of the Psalms and vividly expressed his feelings in them? Well he was no ‘wimp’!

Men can help keep Females Emotionally

Men can facilitate the ‘protection’ of female emotions by letting the female talk until they run out of things to say. Many females are ‘bottled up’ and need to release. Husbands and boyfriends can help by letting them ‘chew your ears’ until they don’t need to anymore (ex. 4.5 hours). Once a female has had a release and feels listened to, she will feel secure and won’t need to talk as much. Men need to listen:

a) Without judgment,

b) Without trying to ‘fix things’,

c) Without logical interruptions,

d) By using ‘door openers’ that encourage the woman to share her,

e) By saying nothing! If the male doesn’t know what positive things to say, better to say nothing.  Men need to protect their Woman from feeling Rejection.

Any human that has such a high relationship need is also vulnerable to rejection. Part of a male’s ‘guardian commission’ calling from God is to respect women’s weaknesses and protect them in it, 1 Peter 3:7.

Romance Principles

She needs to feel special through the event.  The romantic event needs to be memorable ( ie not ordinary).  She needs to time to anticipate the special shared event.  She will be touched you went out of your way to produce romance.  Know her likes and dislikes, so you can surprise her.  Share your feelings; it will be a ‘banquet’ for her.

Don’t be like Fred: He planed a surprise party for Jeanie – which she always hates.  Next he went through her old address book to invite people – people she never wanted to see again.  He planned it quickly – without the special touches that make memories.  He order the food – which he liked, not that she liked.  It was in the evening – after a very busy day at work and arguments with in-laws.

What can men do to Help Good Understanding?

Learn what a women needs for romance = Making good memories, to remember good times.

Listen patiently until you are reasonably certain they have finished their thinking process.  Listen patiently to their feelings and express your own to them.  Feelings to an intuitive are like food to them.

Try and plan things in advance, so they can relish the anticipation of a relationship rich event.  Always keep your promises or don’t make any.  A woman likes to anticipate, but if they are constantly disappointed by a male who doesn’t keep his promises, then they will stop trusting him.

Help women see that you are not rejecting them when you need to go into your cave.  “Honey, I just need some time to think about what’s been said.  I’m not rejecting you, I just need some space.”

Women need the protection to not feel rejected when the male legitimately goes into his cave.   When uncertainty enters, a woman begins to image all kinds of things, mostly unrealistic!  “He doesn’t really love me.  He will leave.  He meant to hurt me.” – when most of the hurt from men is out of ignorance and blindness.

Find out what touches your woman’s heart.  Give her 5 ‘poker chips’ to give back to you when you touch her ‘heart string’.

Most importantly, pray about everything and give your family a sense of vision and something to work towards – common goal.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author


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