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Feb 13

6/14 Females are not males in female body in Understanding the Battle of the Sexes

male female questionsWe continue our discussion of the differences between males and females by looking at the first of the seven major areas of conflict and misunderstanding: Many men believe that women are just males in a female body.  As one author crudely put it, ‘women are just a male with curves and without a penis’. 

Most women also hold a similar – unconscious – belief, that males are maybe just a ‘thick skinned, ignorant female’ just in a male body. Therefore both males and females are guilty of treating the opposite sex as they would treat another person of their own sex.  Each thinks of the other sex as just a female in a male body…..or just a male in a female body.   Uuuupppps …..….  guilty?

One of the biggest ‘aha’ realization we all need to see that this belief, although usually unconscious, is at the heart of many conflicts between the sexes!  What problem do you see right from the start with this thinking?

If I expect my partner or any other person of the opposite sex, to think as I do or even behave as I do, then I am guilty of this pre-judgment.  Males are females are vastly different, especially if we were raised in a single sex family.  If I have grown up in a family with a Mom and two sisters and little male interaction with Grandfathers, cousins or the boy next door, I may find males very hard to understand.  Besides that, I may just expect them to do and think as a female would, since that is all I have known in my family of origin.

The opposite is sadly very true as well.  Growing up with brothers does little to prepare a male to know what females like and expect.  Again, we come back to the heart of all conflict Solutions – be prepared to re-learn and to communicate with the opposite sex.male female tug of war

Expecting your new girlfriend to like football because all your brothers did can complicate things!  Expecting the boyfriend of your dreams to enjoy hours of shopping and girl-chick movies just because all your girlfriends do is another tragedy waiting to happen.

Some of this unconscious thinking came if your Dad didn’t treat your Mother with love and respect for her differences.  It was easy then for boys not to see their Mother as a female, different than Dad.  If sisters were involved, most brothers were not taught that sisters are not the same as the male friends; most have to learn the hard way that girls think different than boys.  We can learn to respect the differences if we take the mind set of learning about the ‘Alien’ we live beside. 

As you go through your week, be on the look-out for this kind of thinking in yourself … or in those around you.  What problems in communications this causes!  Too many men and women have problems seeing that there is a difference!  What a major mistake this can be when dealing with the opposite sex.

Susanne Fengler, Blog Author

www.conflictsolutions.mentorsnotebook.com

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